I used to work for Chicken of the Sea, until a new supervisor became convinced that I was actually a tuna disguised as a human

It was because of this that I was later wrongfully canned

I used to work at an orange juice factory, but I got canned

I just couldn't concentrate.

I used to work at a hydroelectric plant.

It was the best dam job I ever had.

My doctor used to work as a server

Every time a patient leaves, he said "Thanks, come again! Actually, nevermind."

I used to work the front desk at this small car repair shop.

It was owned by a couple of guys, Jack and Jay. Both guys were really well known and liked around town but Jack never seemed to come into the shop.

People would come in frequently looking for Jack and I would tell them “Jays here but Jacks off all day.”

I used to work at a deli…

But I quit slicing cold turkey.

I used to work with a Vampire

He was a real pain in the neck.

I used to work as an insecurity guard.

But I don't think I was very good at it.

I used to work as a painter

I took up the occupation to broaden my horizons

I used to work at the unemployment office.

I hated it because when they fired me, I had to show up at work anyway.

My Dad used to work with a man named Mr. Pigg. He had two beautiful daughters, which he named...

Imma and Urra.

I used to work with a hard working guy who didn't know the meaning of the word surrender, or the meaning of the word capitulate, didn't even know the meaning of the word abandon....

When he retired we bought him a dictionary.

I used to work at a cats home

I used to work at a cats home, but I had to leave. They reduced meowers..

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Years ago I used to work at the circus and we had some wonderful acts I remember the fat tattooed lady..

Now they're fucking everywhere...

I used to work for an origami company...

...but they folded.

I used to work at the zoo, where my job was to circumcise Elephants.

The pay was rubbish, but the tips were huge!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work at a place that only hired people called Richard.

The owner was a real Dick.

I used to work at a steakhouse, one of my duties is to make sure that the G on the neon Angus sign outside doesn't go out.

They call me the G-spotter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work with a guy from Tijuana who had two penises...

...he named one Hose A, and one Hose B.

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Joke a customer told me when I used to work at a call center

A husband is eating dinner with his wife and he decides to ask her

"honey how come you never tell me when you have an orgasm"

the wife replies "oh I just don't want to bother you while you're at work"

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop...

It was sole destroying

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I used to work at a restaurant, but I wasn’t a good cook. I could make some good toast though.

It was my bread and butter.

I used to work for a soft drink can crushing company

It was soda pressing

I used to work for a traveling carnival.

My buddy got me the job as he was part of the show. He had spent years training bees to land in his hand without them stinging him. It was quite a feat. He even grew so attached the he named his most recent bee "Uty" as we were traveling through Utah at the time.

One day, I hear my buddy shou...

My girlfriend used to work at an American prison in Cuba.

She’s my Guantanamo Bae.

Vera Lynn used to work at an Arctic research station. She wrote a protest song about the lack of variety in the staff canteen.

Whale meat again?

I used to work in a sausage factory

Until I backed into a grinder and got a little behind in my work.

I used to work at a convenience store

Until working there became and inconvenience

I used to work at a bank,

an old lady came in and asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over

My aunt used to work as a human cannonbal.

She wasn't sure she was any good at it until she got fired.

I used to work at a psychiatric hospital

And this guy walks in wearing nothing but Saran wrap.

He tells the receptionist, “I think I need to see a psychiatrist.”

Receptionist replies, “no need for an evaluation. I can clearly see ur nuts.”

So I used to work in a keyboard factory

I got fired because I always lost CTRL and because of that I went HOME and lost a lot of SHIFTS. I guess F8 didn't want me to work there.

I used to work for a used computer sales shop. I tried to convince my boss to have a 9/11 sale, 2 towers for the price of 1.

It didn’t fly.

I used to work for a submarine manufacturing company.

Unfortunately, it went under

I used to work in a powdered soup factory, until I started coughing up little cubes of tofu...

I was forced to retire, after being diagnosed with Miso-thelioma.

I used to work as a lifeguard

Until some blue kid got me fired.

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I used to work for Disney, but their offices were always so hot during the summer.

I guess they don't give a shit about fans.

I used to work at a company that made tiny measuring devices.

It was a small scale operation

I used to work on an assembly line making pregnancy pamphlets, but I quit.

I got tired of labor manuals.

What do you call an excitable small black insect that used to work for a multi national transportation company?

An exuberant ex-uber ant.

I used to work in the office at a stationery firm but I quit.

I felt it wasn't going anywhere.

I used to work in a pub next to a hospital

and this guy walked in one day with his hospital gown on and holding a drip on a stand that was still connected to his veins. I asked him how I could help? and bizarrely he said can I have 2 pints of lager, 2 pints of Guinness, 4 jack Daniels and coke, 3 gin and tonics, and 6 shots of tequila. It’s ...

I used to work in a napkin factory in Russia...

I was in The Serviette Union.

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory.

Benefits were good, but the parking was terrible.

I used to work in a bakery, didn't really enjoy it and the pay wasn't great...

I just kneaded the dough


I'm sorry, I'll leave now...

Years ago I used to work as a secretary for the mafia.

I was involved in very organized crime.

A lumberjack applies for a job and gets called for an interview. The interviewer asks him, “So, what experience do you have?” The lumberjack replies, “Well, I used to work in the Sahara Forest.”

The interviewer is a little taken aback and asks, “The Sahara Forest? Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?”

The lumberjack says, “Yeah, that’s what they call it now.”

I used to work as a coast guard. There's one rescue mission that sticks in my memory.

A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed.

The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc...

I used to work in a messy munitions and glue factory

I asked for a pay rise, but the management stuck to their guns

I used to work at a start up mint

It was sort of confusing to me.
But now it makes all the cents in the world.

I used to work in restaurants before switching to information technology...

... The biggest difference is that the phrase "my server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.

I used to work in a lumberjack camp...

But my boss gave me the axe.

I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect...

...but they fried me for no raisin.

I Used to work in a pathology lab...

I was forced to leave when one of my reports said "Cause of Death: Autopsy"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My father used to work at a toilet company

He got fired for shitting on the job.

I used to work as a bed salesman

One day this guy came in and started climbing into the beds and asking really specific questions. Then it hit me, he was an undercover cop.

I used to work with a guy called Kelvin.

He was an absolute unit!

My friend used to work for an animal shelter, but he got fired.

He really screwed the pooch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work in an ER, one day my asshole ex boyfriend came in with some deep lacerations to his abdomen,

When I saw him I said, “you’ve got a lot of guts coming in here.”

I used to work at a company that made fire hydrants

but i couldn't park anywhere near the place.

In used to work out a lot in the gym

But I got sick of the long weights

I used to work in a parasol company and I've gotta tell you,

it was some shady business.

I used to work in the black market removing and selling animal tails

I don't really want to get into the de\-tails

I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldn't concentrate.

So I tried my hand at being a lumberjack. I couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Then i gave being a barber a go. But I didn't cut it.
I was then hired as a tailor and found I wasn't suited for the job.

I used to work in children’s wear,

but I grew out of it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, i used to work in a convenience store...

It's my first shift, and a gentleman comes in asking for nails, I sold some nails to him as my manager was watching

He said to me, mate, that's not how you do sales!! I'll show you how it's done

Before you know it another man comes in asking about some lawn seeds, he proceeds to show h...

I used to work at a nursing home full of handicapped people

But I quit, because I could not stand them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work at a bar that had 3 entrances

One night a really drunk guy comes stumbling in the first entrance. He comes up to me and tries to order a drink

I say “sir I’m sorry but you’re really drunk and I can’t serve you; I’m gonna need you to leave.”

He leaves then I see him come in the 2nd entrance.

I walk up to him ...

I used to work at the donut factory but I quit

I was fed up with the hole business

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work in a recording studio. My boss always told me the three biggest lies in the music industry are ......

1: The check's in the mail.
2: We can fix it in post.
3: Don't worry, I won't cum in your mouth.

My dyslexic mate said he used to work in the police.

That's a FIB.

I used to work hard

but that really cute girl quit last week.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work as a prostitute...

... due to lack of fucks to give I quit my job.

I used to work in a helium factory...

But I left, because I didn't like the way they spoke to me...

[Read the second part with a helium voice.]

I was visiting my hometown and I drove past the data recovery center I used to work at.

It really brought back a lot of memories.

I used to work for a construction company, until one day...

My boss approached me on the jobsite and said, "Hey, we need a new wheelbarrow. There's a hardware store just down the street. Take this purchase order and grab us one."

So I do as I'm told and head to the hardware store. I come back a few minutes later with two wheelbarrows; one stacked i...

I used to work in an eastern european fraud office.

I had to check czech cheques.

Today, my teacher stated that he used to work for NASA.

He told that class that he became a teacher because it paid more.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work at a muffler shop...

That shit was exhausting. Then I got a job a vacuum store, but it sucked even more.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work at a sewage plant...

... I saw some serious shit.

I used to work in a darkroom developing photographs...

but I quit because there was too much negativity.

So i used to work with a Muslim

This Muslim I was working with on a tower scaffolding lost his footing and slipped. I managed to grab his hand as he was dangling 150 feet in the air.

"Please, please," he begged, "don't let me drop!"

"Will you eat my bacon sandwich if I pull you up?" I asked,

"Yes! Yes! Of cour...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work with this black lady who had one arm and one leg...

...we called her Elbony

I used to work as a waiter...

...the hours were terrible, but hey, it put food on the table.

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