Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why should you always use protection when having sex at sea?

So you don't get mermaids.

For all you ladies who didn't use protection this weekend

Happy Mother's Day!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I don’t use protection during sex but...

When I pulled out, there was suddenly a magnum condom on my penis. Should I be worried?

What fo Catholics call the act of sentencing those who use protection to Hell?

Condomnation

Whenever I have a one night stand,I alweys use protection.

A fake name and a fake number.

I just found out my grandparents got infected.

I can’t believe it honestly. I told them to use protection and stuff but they wouldn’t listen and now the whole care homes got it. Oh well at least it’s easy to treat chlamydia now a days.

First time buying protection.

A young boy goes to the pharmacy to buy protection.

The pharmacist is a young, attractive girl. He asks her for a pack of condoms.

She gives it to him, but asks “Why do you look so confused?”

He says “I’ve never used them before.”

So she seductively rolls one onto her t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple at the doctors and the doctor tell the woman she’s pregnant...

... the man says “there’s just no way we always use protection without fail every single time we have sex”

The doctor says, sir, let me tell you a story;
There once was a hunter who took his gun with him everywhere he went, he was never without his gun. One day he accidentally picked up h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johny, a horny 16 year old is doting on his teacher, and he decides to ask her out.

"Excuse me, Mrs Elizabeth, I think I'm in love with you".

"Sorry Johny, but I'm too old for children", says Mrs. Elizabeth.

Johny- "Of course, that's why we'll use protection."

Peace, Love and Happiness

A very strict man had three hot daughters, named Peace, Love and Happiness. He always hated any guy his daughters brought home - always told them there was no man good enough for his daughters.

Peace was dating a boy he particularly hated, but she kept dating him anyway. Once Peace and her bo...

Understanding Pregnancy

A man goes to the doctor and says to the doctor "My wife is pregnant but we always use protection and I KNOW that it never broke, how could this happen?"

The doctor sits the man down and says "let me tell you a story, there was a hunter who always brought his gun with him everywhere he went. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I stumbled out of bed from a one night stand to find my dad at the kitchen table.

"I'm proud of you son" he winked, "now tell me, did you use protection?"

"You know what they say, dad" I grinned, "up the bum no babies."

"Ha ha, that's my boy" he laughed, "what's her name?"

"Patrick" I replied.

I don't get the deal with overprotective parents,

they clearly didn't use protection if they are parents.

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