Us Marine Jokes - 12 Hilarious Us Marine Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a man decides to join the US Marine corps.

During training, he just can't keep up, so the sergeant tells him to go home and wait until he's called upon as a reserve.

35 years go by and the man is still not called into action, so he decides to retire.

Out fishing one day, enjoying his retirement, a car flys past him out of contr...

A US Marine was deployed in Afghanistan

While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with 2 guys while he had been gone and wanted to break up with him.
To add insult to injury, she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him. So the Marine did what any self-...

The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

The US Marines, Delta Force and the Harris County Sheriff's Department are on one of those team building weekends out in the woods.

First night and the instructor says "Right guys. First night out in the woods! Your first test is to go catch your dinner. I want each team to go out and catch a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The train was quite crowded.

A US marine walked the entire length of the train, looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a poodle, owned by a well dressed, middle-aged, French Woman.

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may i have that seat ?'

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in parti...

God does an experiment with US Marines...

One lofty Sunday God looks down and sees a boat of six Marines paddling in the ocean, chanting; ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR...United States Marine Corps.

Impressed by their focus and intensity he ponders; "What would happen if I removed half their brain powers" and does so. "ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR...Unit...

Did you hear about the US Marine in Vietnam who was left behind while stuck on the toilet?

He was duty bound.

TIL the excuse the US Marine used in May 1943 after accidentally friendly fire'ing a British U-boat.

Woops, wrong sub.

If you lock a US Marine in a room with an anvil ....

... He will either break it, lose it, or get it pregnant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Few days ago an US Marine and a Russian General were talking at the beach

The Marine says to the General: "we have the greatest submarines on earth. We can last under water for several weeks."

The Russian interrupts:"no way our latest submarines last for 6 months without seeing any daylight."

The both stop talking as they are surprised by a submarine approa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Interview joke . National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and
shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

...

[Civil servant joke] President Obama wants to know who's better: the CIA, the US Marine Corps, or the LAPD.

The President orders a single, clearly marked white rabbit to be released into the California redwood forests. Whichever service catches the rabbit wins the contest.

The CIA go first. They deploy surveillance drones, spy satellites and analysts to track down the target. The rabbit is small...

An old joke, I hadn't thought of in years.

A group of scientists wanted to do some experiments on how brains function.

They got a volunteer and taught him the row-row-your-boat song, and had him practice until he knew the whole song perfectly. They asked him to sing it and he did so without a problem.

They put...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.