UPJOKE

Uncontrollable Laughter Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman went to the doctor with an unusual problem...

"Doctor, I've got three breasts." She declared.

"Please undress," said the doctor.

"Doctor, I'm worried that when you'll see my problem you'll laugh", she said nervously.

"Don't be concerned, Miss" said the Doctor. "I'm a medical man and I'm fully trained to handle such proble...

A joke my Polish friend loved.

[Full of errors I'm sure. On to the brilliant joke.]

A polish farmeris tilling his field. It's another beautiful spring day when suddenly his plough hits something. Upon inspection he sees that it's some sort of golden lamp. He dusts it off and a genie comes out of it and says to the humble p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sees an ad in the paper for a Big Dick club.

He decides he wants to join, so he goes to the next meeting.

He walks up to the secretary and says, “I’d like to join the big dick club.”

She responds, “How big is your dick?”

“Eighteen inches.”

The secretary bursts out into uncontrollable laughter. Not knowing what’s w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy comes in to his doctor's offices having symptoms of tennis elbow. The doctor tells him to go home & pee in a cup & return it for analysis.

The patient thinks this is ridiculous so decides he'd mess with the doctor by taking a pee sample a from his wife. Gets some out of the unflushed toilet after his teenage daughter pee'd. Added some changed oil from his car. Even going so far as to put his sperm in it. The guy returns it for analysis...

A man walks into an unfamiliar bar

A man walks into an unfamiliar bar in a small town he just moved in to, orders a drink and quietly sits down at the bar.

Shortly after, another man drinking at a table stands up, and shouts "43!" and everyone in the bar bursts into uncontrollable laughter.

The man shrugs it off, and co...

A bunch of guys are sitting around in prison

One guy shouts, "Six-hundred and eighty-eighty!"

Everyone bursts into laughter.

As the laughter's dying down, another guy shouts, "Eleven-hundred and twelve!"

Uncontrollable laughter.

Another guy chimes in with, "Three hundred and forty-five!"

Everyone doubles over...

4 prisoners are sitting in a cell.

They have all been imprisoned for life, so to pass the time, they tell each other jokes.

This goes well for the first few years, but eventually they have told and retold every joke they know.

Eventually they start numbering the jokes so they don't have to tell them from start to finis...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first time posting a joke here. I first heard this one as a teenager and I've been telling it for at least 35 years now. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. It's a long one, so be ready.

There once was a young, newlywed couple who just arrived in their honeymoon suite after a wonderful day spent celebrating their union with family and friends. The newlyweds, having both grown up in very sheltered homes, had no experience in the matters of sex and had pledged to one another to wait u...

3 sisters

3 sisters return home from college with their new boyfriends in tow. One night their mother fancies a glass of water before bed. On her way back she stops in front of the door of each girls room being nosy. At the first door she hears uncontrollable laughter coming from her daughter. She moves to th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men are shipwrecked on an island

And start searching the place, but get captured by a cannibal tribe. They are brought to the chieftain, and beg for their lives.

He says, "I will give you a chance to live. Each of you must go out and find 10 of a certain fruit, and then come back. If you do not return, we will hunt you d...

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