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Uber Driver Jokes

I tried to be an Uber driver...

Trouble is, my passengers didn’t appreciate when I went the extra mile.

An UBER passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and...

An old priest died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven

Next to him was a young Uber driver who died seconds ago from his reckless driving.

The priest was called first, and St Peter said, "For your life long career working for the church, we will give you a small studio where you can stay at for the rest of eternity."

Then St Peter turns to...

An Uber driver

I called an Uber, a luxury minivan came.

The driver asked: are you ok with songs from the 60s?

Thought for 3 second, I said: Why not

Then he started to sing...

What did the Uber driver say to the one-legged fare?

"Hop in!"

What did the inpatient woman tell the Uber driver?

Hurry up. I’m in desperate need of a Lyft.

I got a Russian Uber driver today.

His name was Pickup Andropov!!..

Why do Uber drivers skip the gym?

Because they don't even Lyft.

There was an uber driver

He picked up an elderly woman. It was an average trip, 30 minutes. They were having a pleasant conversation when she offered him a peanut. Quite shocked, he took it, ate it and thanked her. Moments later she offered another, and another and he kept eating them.
After a while he began to wonder wh...

Today was my first day as an Uber driver

and I just dropped off another dude my girls house

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man and his date

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker, and I charge 20 dollars for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thats it,I can't take much anymore. I'm divorcing my wife. First it was some guy in a drunk party,then it was her ex-bf, her boss, my best friend, some Uber driver and even her stepbrother..

I just can't stop sucking cocks.

My Uber driver's name was Bienvenido

When he was dropping me off I said " Thank you!" and he said "you're welcome" and I said "No, you're welcome."

I keep getting the same French Uber driver

Serge Pricing.

My Uber driver told me that he stuffs animals as a side gig

He's a Taxi-Dermist.

Fell in a hole today working as a Nevada Uber driver...

The destination was the Bunny Ranch.

I had a really chatty Uber driver today...

He kept saying stuff like, "Who are you and why are you in my car?" and "Please get out or I'll call the cops."

5 stars.

A bad uber driver drove from New Zealand to Australia.

He got two stars.

Omg it took an hour for my friend and I to realize that our Uber driver was a celebrity!!

He’s even ranked top ten in the list of most desired people in the world by the FBI!

An Uber driver told me "I love my job, I have no boss nobody tells me what to do I love it"

I told him turn next left

Today was a bad day

My ex got hit by a car and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The nun and the driver

One night, an Uber driver picked up a nun. While he was driving, the driver started to laugh insanely. "Why are you laughing?" asked the Nun "Oh it's nothing." said the Uber driver "No really" said the Nun, "I won't mind" So the driver told her, "Well, it's really silly but I've always had this fant...

I have been working from home since March of last year.

I am an Uber driver.

I often ask myself questions, such as "Where did we come from?", "Why am I here?", "Where am I going?"

"Am I a terrible Uber driver?"

I was in an Uber..

..when a Grindr notification went off on my phone. My uber driver said, "I know that sound. My husband plays that game all the time."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Drive in the Country

A man and a woman meet at a bar and are having a great time. The woman says, "I know a place a few miles outside of the city where we can get loud and crazy.

They get in his car and drive about 10 miles. The woman teases his cock the whole time he is driving. When they arrive the woman says,...

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My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theater.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a "night light" and then put the cat in the backyard. When our Uber arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our parakeet we didn't want to leav...

Why would you still take a cab instead of Uber?

Because I'm not going to ask my Uber driver where to get the best hookers in town .

Did you hear about the Indian who drank too much tea?

He drowned in his teepee.

-My Uber Driver

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I love having sex in the back of a car.

My only problem is that it's really hard to find an Uber driver that'll let me.

What's worse than being a tanning salon owner in Africa?

Being a Somali Uber driver in Columbus, Ohio.

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