How do you write a 21st birthday message for a guy when you only really know two things about him, that he’s an anti-vaxxer and that he likes Fozzie Bear? So far I’ve only got the first two lines.
“You would’ve been 21 today. Wokka wokka.”
A good two line joke
Parallel lines have so much in common,
It's a shame they'll never meet.
The two lines
A man dies and goes to heaven. At the entrance to the pearly gates he looks ahead and sees two lines. One says "MEN WHO HAVE BEEN DOMINATED BY WOMEN THEIR ENTIRE LIVES" and another one for those who haven't.
The dominated line has men a mile long, queuing and waiting, seeming to stretch on f...
What is your favorite one to two line joke?
Keep em coming boys and gals. This is making my 15 car ride way better!
A man dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, he sees two lines.
The first line has a sign that says "Henpecked Husbands." The line is full of an endless queue of men that stretches far out of site.
The sign above the second line says, "Non-Henpecked Husbands." This line is empty, aside from a single scrawny man who was just entering it.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Two lines for this poor wife...
A wife was sure that her husband was having an affair with their housegirl, so she laid a trap for him. one evening she suddenly sent the maid to her home 4 weekend without infoming her husband. She latter went on and slept on the maid's bed and switched off the lights. Sudde...
A man dies and goes to heaven
He gets to the pearly gates, and he sees two lines: one labeled "Predestination" and the other labeled "Free Will." The man, being a good five-point Calvinist, gets in the "predestined line." He waits his turn and gets to the front, and the angel asks him "Why are you in the predestined line?" Guy g...
A fella was sitting at a quiet bar enjoying a beer. He started singing the first two lines of the song "21 today, 21 today" over and over. The barman overheard and asked, "Hey mate are you really 21 today?" "Sure am!" He replied. The barman said "Your beers today are on the house! Enjoy!"
A Calvinist arrived at the Gates of Heaven.
He sees that there are two lines going in. One has a sign that reads "predestined," and the other, "free will". He naturally heads to the predestined line.
While waiting, an angel comes and asks him "Why are you in this line?"
He replies, "Because I chose it."
The angel looks su...
A con man is arrested for conning several women out of their jewelry.
The sheriff's prison is full and doesn't have the budget to hold him anywhere else so that weekend he ties the man to a pole and creates two lines. In one line citizens pay a dollar to punch him in the face, in the other they pay five dollars to kick him in the balls. On the final day one guy pa...
Moms being Moms
*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"
*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”
*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Was in the pub a few months ago with my mate and these 4 huge bastards starting mouthing off at us.
"Pretend we're the Police" my mate said
I only got two lines into the first verse of Roxanne before they kicked the shit out of us.
Everybody on Earth dies and goes to Heaven....
The Lord comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
Said and done, the next time The Lord looked, the women ar...
A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared. "Now I will fullfill your 3 wishes" - he said. "I wish two lines of the best stuff on the world. Let's take it together, it will be great." "Ok, that was your first wish. Don't waste all of them on drugs" - genie said and two lines of the best stu...
I'm writing a movie, its about an hour
INT. CLOCK FACE - DAY
NARRATOR (V.O.) One Mississippi, two Mississippi....
I've only written the first two lines so far.
There once was a lady named Sue...
There once was a lady named Sue
She didn't have much to do
So she pulled out the vacuum
and went to the bathroom
And found a new way to go poo
**I just want to say this is not a repost. I wrote this Limerick, with the exception of the first two lines.*
Coke Addict and the Genie
So a cocaine addict finds a lamp, rubs it and out pops a Genie
"So seeing as you have released me, you have 3 and only 3 wishes. What is you first wish?"
"I would like a big, fat line of the best coke in the world, and make sure you get yourself one too" Sure enough two lines of cok...
Two Englishmen walk into a nearly empty American bar and one orders a pint of Strongbow
The bartender replies, "Oh, you boys must be British."
"You can tell from the order and accent, can you?" responds one of the Englishmen.
The bartender replies, "No, I can tell because you two lined up even though you're the only two at the bar!"
A local daily ran a competition around Valentine's Day asking for a two line rhyme with the most romantic first line and the least romantic second line.
Here are some of the best enteries:
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you messed up my life.
I see your fac...