UPJOKE

Two Line Jokes

I finally, after 35 years, have made my own two line joke

What’s a gooses’s favorite vegetable?

Asparagoose.

Two lines at the hospital

There were two lines at the hospital, one for the blood bank, one for the sperm bank. At the end of the sperm bank line, there was woman.
\- Aren't you in the wrong line? they asked her.
\- Uh uh, she said shaking her head, with her mouth closed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drug addict stumbles upon a magic lamp

A drug addict stumbles upon a shiny lamp. As soon as he picked it up, ... pufff... a Genie appeared from the smokes.

"I shall grant you **three wishes**!", the genie said.

The drug addict, without hesitation: "Let's do a line of cocaine for both of us"

Poof... A line of cocaine ...

A good two line joke

Parallel lines have so much in common,

It's a shame they'll never meet.

The two lines

A man dies and goes to heaven. At the entrance to the pearly gates he looks ahead and sees two lines. One says "MEN WHO HAVE BEEN DOMINATED BY WOMEN THEIR ENTIRE LIVES" and another one for those who haven't.

The dominated line has men a mile long, queuing and waiting, seeming to stretch on f...

What is your favorite one to two line joke?

Keep em coming boys and gals. This is making my 15 car ride way better!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two lines for this poor wife...

A wife was sure that her husband was
having an affair with their
housegirl, so she laid a trap for
him. one evening she suddenly sent
the maid to her home 4 weekend
without infoming her husband. She
latter went on and slept on the
maid's bed and switched off the
lights. Sudde...

A Calvinist arrived at the Gates of Heaven.

He sees that there are two lines going in. One has a sign that reads "predestined," and the other, "free will". He naturally heads to the predestined line.

While waiting, an angel comes and asks him "Why are you in this line?"

He replies, "Because I chose it."

The angel looks su...

A man dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, he sees two lines.

The first line has a sign that says "Henpecked Husbands." The line is full of an endless queue of men that stretches far out of site.

The sign above the second line says, "Non-Henpecked Husbands." This line is empty, aside from a single scrawny man who was just entering it.

The recent...

A Calvinist dies and goes to heaven

A Calvinist dies and goes to heaven. When he arrives, he sees two lines to get in. One is labeled "Predestination" and one is labeled "Free Will". So, being a Calvinist, he goes to the back of the Predestination line and waits for his turn.

When he gets to the front of the line, the angel loo...

Everybody on Earth dies and goes to Heaven....

The Lord comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

Said and done, the next time The Lord looked, the women ar...

A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.

A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
"Now I will fullfill your 3 wishes" - he said.
"I wish two lines of the best stuff on the world. Let's take it together, it will be great."
"Ok, that was your first wish. Don't waste all of them on drugs" - genie said and two lines of the best stu...

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