UPJOKE

Two Good Jokes

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I hit two good balls out golfing today.

I stepped on the bunker rake.

Two good friends go golfing

Two good friends go golfing and they come up on two women who are moving like molasses. One guy says that he'll go up and ask if they can play through. When he's half way to the women, he freezes, turns around and comes back pretty pale.
"Sorry man, I can't do it! One's my wife and the other my ...

Two good old boys are out fishing, when a cruise boat with beautiful women appears.

Seeing the beautiful women, all in bikinis, one of them asks, “what should we do?” The others thinks upon it for a bit until he has an idea.

“Hey,” he says, “show them gals your nuts”

“Really?” asks his freind.

“Really” his freind responds.

At which point the buddy g...

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Two good things about covid

A city boy, not feeling too well, decides to go visit his country cousin and get some fresh country air, hoping it'll make him feel better. While there, he asks to use the restroom. The cousin points him to the outhouse.

The city boy, not used to using such a facility, walks in, but slips and...

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Give me two good reasons

Today, all schools reopened after a long summer vacation.

In one home in our neighbourhood, early this morning, a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up, “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.”

SON : “Awww Mom! I don’t want to go to school.”
MOM : “Give me two good reas...

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Two Good Ol' Boys

Two good ol’ boys in a Kentucky trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Ford plant.

After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, “If’n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off ...

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Two good friends, a doctor and a priest, are out golfing one fine day.

They step up to tee off at the first hole. The priest drives a beautiful shot down the fairway. The doctor steps up next and fires off a worm-burner straight into the rough.

The doctor grumbles loudly, "Fuck, I missed."

The priest reproves him, "Please, Ted, don't swear in fron...

I can think of two good reasons to wear diapers

Number one and number two.

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(NSFW) Two good ol' country boys were on a long road trip...

...and a few days had gone by without much happening. They were driving down a long winding road with nothing but farms and trees. Suddenly the driver saw a sheep with its head caught in the fence. He quickly pulled over and said, "Man, I got to take a'vantage of this right here right quick!". So he...

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Two good friends' wives have the same birthday.

One of the friends is a rich man, the other is poor. One year they get together on their wives' birthday and the poor man asks the rich man what he got his wife. The rich man says

"i got her a mercedes and a diamond ring. If she doesnt like the ring, she can drive to the jewlers in the merce...

Two good ol' boys is sittin' on a porch...

...They see a dog a-lickin' It's balls.

One turns to the other sayin', "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The other responds, "Boy that dog will biiiiiitte yooou!"

Two good ol’ boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted

from Privates to Sergeants.

Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Bubba says, “Hey, Junior - there’s the NCO Club. Let’s you and me stop in and have us a drank.”

“But we’s privates,” protests Junior.

“NO, we’s sergeants now,” says Bubba, pulling him inside “Now, Junior...

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Ken and Josh, two good friends, are hiking up a mountain

Ken needs to take a piss, so he goes over to do his business. A snake slithers over and bites him on his manhood. Ken screams in pain and Josh runs down to the base camp to tell the medic. The medic explains that this type of snake has deadly venom and the only way Ken will survive is if Josh sucks ...

A man has been sleeping around and was worried he may have contracted AIDS. He goes to the doctor to get a check up. The doctor returns and says “I have two good news for you”

The man perplexed but hopeful asks: “what’s the first good news?”

Doctor replies, “you don’t have AIDS!”

The man relieved but now even more curious asks the doctor, “then what’s the other good news?”

Doctor responds, “we found a new strain of STD and they’re going to name it aft...

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