UPJOKE

Two ants had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation.

Last year, when one ant gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking.
The other ant asked him, "Why are you shaking so badly?"

The first ant says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on a Harley."

The other ant says, "That’s the worst way to travel. Do what I d...

Two ants, a mother and her daughter, were walking through their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One man with a sign reading "It's time to GO!" spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, but do you have a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

two ants are fighting on a toilet seat

One of them gets pissed off.

What do you call two ants who have a baby together?

Pair ants

Two ants were walking down a road, side by side.

One ant says to the other, "You know, despite how incredibly successful our species is, our tiny brains are nowhere near having the capability to comprehend language like humans do."

The other replies, "Yeah, I really wish people would stop anthropomorphizing us in their jokes."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two ants met in this woman’s belly button; one decides to go north while the other goes south.

Seven days later, they returned to the belly button. “I had a great time,” reported the ant who had ventured north. “There were these two big hills, and every day I went skiing, and at night I slept in this nice warm valley.”

“I had a hell of a time,” sighed the other ant. “First I had to wal...

What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Antelopes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two ants have a race ...

Two ants are standing on the rim of a toilet, trying to outdo each other. "I bet I'm faster than you!" says the first ant, so they agree to race around the rim.

The first ant takes off at top speed, and makes it all the way around in a minute and twenty-three seconds. "Not bad", says ant 2,...

Two ants, Jack and Rose, are sitting on a leaf on water. Suddenly, a small tide comes and upturns the leaf. Only the girl ant sinks…

…because the other is a buoy ant

Ant suicide

So i saw two ants crawling into a box full of rat poison...

I guess they were committing PESTICIDE

ok i'll leave

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2 ants

Two ants meet at the navel of a beautiful sunbathing woman.
They decide that one will explore the area to the north and the other one will go south.
A day later they meet at the navel again.
The ant who explored the north starts to talk about his journey excitedly: "It was awesome! Tw...

What did the aardvark say to Noah?

What do you mean you only brought two ants!?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If the log rolls over, we're gonna die!

(This is really best told around a campfire or some other scary story circle. It should be delivered as a scary story right till the end. My dad loves to tell this one.)

A couple got stranded in a storm out in the middle of no where. There was nothing but pasture and woods all around them, an...

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