UPJOKE

Top Notch Jokes

My doctor said my sprem count was top notch

"Well It's hand made"

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

Lindsey Graham gets new suit

On a Senate trip to Japan, Lindsey Graham picked up some silk to have a custom suit made. At a top notch tailor shop in South Carolina, the tailor said with the material, he could make a single breasted suit.

Graham decided to wait, took the material to a tailor in New York who told him he c...

Everybody loves the iPhone X, XS and 11 Pro...

Because their top notch

Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes?

He uses only top notch fresh ingredients

The best private eye

I'm a top notch investigator, I always research everyone throughly. During the day I research their real life activities and understand who they are as a person I call this "Daytime recon" and when the sun goes down I check online to find out about who they are behind a screen and if they are a dang...

An eccentric billionaire's beloved pet hog was very ill...

...and his private vet was away so he had to find a last minute specialist. Vets from around the world sent word that they would come to his aid right away, jumping at the chance to look at the animal, thereby winning the rich old man's admiration and the huge bill that would come from top notch car...

Say what you will about Hamas...

...but their education system is top notch. Over 90% of the children in Gaza become "Rocket Scientists".

Once, many many years ago, there was a fad among fast food restaurants

to put historical, sometimes military or industrial items in their front yards as a kind of attraction/plaything; an old howitzer or maybe even a train caboose that kids could inspect or climb on. Sometimes these unlikely things would be decorated with the characters or dishes of the food chain. For...

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A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

Jay-Z owned a baseball team.

From day one, it was a foregone conclusion that it would be a cellar-dwelling team. Everyone on that team had a batting average of below .150, and not a single player scored a home-run. The defense was horrible; every outfielder was scared of fly-balls, the infielders couldnā€™t catch line drives to s...

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