Tonight's Jokes

I'm not sharing the money. I'll just let you know I won.

at least the fly knew when his two minutes were up.

The Voyager Probe, speeding away from Earth at 38,000 mph.

Seattle police were astonished to find that all the toilets in the central precinct had been stolen overnight.

When asked about suspects, the Chief stated that they have nothing to go on.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out, and... read more

The laugh track.

Newscaster: a man was found unconscious today at the park. His identity is unknown, all the authorities can say is that his brief is really old and full of holes.

My wife: that's my husband!

She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. A... read more

It looks like the Indians are going to have a different type of trail of tears.

We don't know our R's from our elbows

the Voyager space probe which is currently traveling at 62,137 km per hour away from the Earth into interstellar space.

I'm not surprised; he has always reminded me of Emperor Palpatine.

I have no idea how high the steaks are...

Come early at 5PM and listen to our choir practice.

They won't be serving anything, it's just to give people who went to the toilets a chance to leave before they lock up.