UPJOKE

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon

The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

When the US went to the moon....

...they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.

Two astronauts went to the moon

When they crawled out of their spaceship, it was a sight to behold. In the distance, there was a teepee and a Native American sitting near a fire. They approached the native and one of them said, “Hello! We’re from planet Earth!” The native, with a scared look, says, “Oh god, not again.”

Under Kennedy, America went to the moon...

Under Trump, America can't even get to Canada.



Much love from Toronto, stay safe!

What’s the difference between science and religion? Science flies you to the moon

While Religion Flies You Into Buildings.

Why did the cow travel to the moon?

To checkout the Milky Way.

A message to the moon

About 1966 or so, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo moon mission took the astronauts near Tuba City where the terrain of the Navajo Reservation looks very much like the Lunar surface. Along with all the trucks and large vehicles, there were two large figures dressed in full Lunar spacesuits....

What did the peanut say to the moon?

Nothing.. Peanuts don’t speak..



My 4 year old just told me this joke and I can’t stop laughing..

They sent a goose to the moon

The called it amoongoose

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People always say, "I love you to the moon and back."

That's not really that far. The moon is only 238,900 miles away.
Uranus, on the other hand, is 1.7 billion miles away.

Trump wants to go to the moon within the next 5 years.

If everyone donates a dollar, we can shoot him up today.

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My penis will go to the moon

Not because it is easy, but because it is hard.

Some aliens in a flying saucer offered to fly me to the moon

But they wouldn't let us land because the moon was full.

An English man, Scottish man and Irish man go to the moon...

Once they get there the English man finds an apple, and the other two bet that he cannot throw it back to earth, he tries and completes his dare. When he gets back to earth he sees a little boy sitting on the side of the road crying. “Why are you crying little boy” asks the English man. “An apple ju...

Why did NASA fly to the Moon?

It's too far to walk

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who only spoke Navajo, asked a question, which the son translated, “What are the guys in the big suits doing?”

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old...

Elon Musk launched a cow to the moon. It landed so hard that a quarter of the moon got annihilated.

Moo.

Do you think Neil was tired after flying to the Moon?

Probably not, that’s why they called him Armstrong

There have been numerous accusations that the moon landing was fake.

When Neil Armstrong was interviewed about it, it’s claimed he said the following;
The government found the trip to the moon was going to be both expensive and difficult. There was significant doubt that it could even be done. So, the CIA decided that because the US needed the propaganda advanta...

Why Soviets never went to the moon?

They were afraid the cosmonauts wouldn't want to come back.

SpaceX have developed a new type of rocket that can fly to the moon in record-breaking time.

It's a regular rocket, with "GME" written on it.

I told my girlfriend I loved her to the Moon and back.

Luckily, I was boarding Apollo 11.

Why hasn’t there ever been a vegan to the Moon?

Because there’s nobody there to whom they could tell they’re vegan.

A Vietnamese farmer was working in the rice paddy field when he sees his son running to him

'Father, father look' , the kid points to a newspaper and says excitedly ' The Americans have gone to the moon '.

The farmer drops his plough and asks excitedly ;

'All of them'

'No just 3', replies the kid

'Damn it'

The father shakes his head in disappointment an...

Did you know that on the way to the Moon the Apollo 11 crew heard rock music coming from outside?

Mission Control confirmed they were passing through the Van Halen belts.

What would have Buzz Aldrin, the second man to get to the moon, said when he reached there?

Neil before me.

There are two type of countries.

Those that use the metric system and those that have been to the moon and have recreated nuclear fusion.

How did the first Ethiopian get to the moon?

He was tinkering with an elastic band.

NASA sends a redneck and a chimpanzee to the moon.

When the rocket lands on the moon's surface, the computer screen automatically switches itself on & the chimpanzee clicks on the desktop file that contains his instructions:-

1)....Ensure that rocket has landed at the correct co-ordinates and is anchored safely.
2)....Check ALL l...

Once a man went to a rocket station and asked for ticket to the moon.

The attendant said, " Sorry sir, the moon is full just now."

A couple of cosmonauts were heading to the moon when the unexpectedly turned around

Turns out the moon was full

What would happen if you stack elephants on each other up to the moon?

You would have a bunch of angry elephants on top of each other.

Why did Americans go to the moon?

They heard Indians had land there.

Why haven't we sent a woman to the moon?

It doesn't need cleaning

I would travel to the moon and back for my wife.

If I had nowhere else to dispose of the body.

It took a lot of work and thousands of hours from thousands of people, but the human race made sure to get to the moon by ‘69.

Nice.

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Why did the White Man go to the Moon?

He wanted more land.

-Heard this from a native friend of mine. I laughed my ass off.

What do you call a group of dolphins that move according to the moons gravity?

A Tide pod

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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.




The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and e...

When Trump said "We're going to put a man on the face of the moon" last night, he meant he wants his Space Force to laser-etch his face onto the moon

Get ready for Moont Rushmore

My physicist gf told me she loves me to the moon and back ....

I don't know if she was referring to the Distance or Displacement.

In order to promote progress I think the next session of congress should be sent to the moon.

I just feel that they would make a greater impact.

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Landing on the Moon

In 1969, in the months leading up to the Moon landing, the Apollo 11 astronauts trained in a remote moon-like desert in the western United States. One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American.


‘What are you doing here?’ the old man asked.


‘We...

A message to the people of the Moon

In 1968, NASA was testing equipment to be used for Moon missions. They went to the Arizona desert to perform their tests.

While tests were in progress, an old Chief approached a NASA engineer to ask questions through his grandson, acting as interpreter.

"The Chief wants to know what ex...

A man is trying to sell his dog to a neighbor...

"You can have this dog for only five dollars, and he can actually talk." says the man. His neighbor says, "That's ridiculous, everyone knows dogs can't speak."

The dog looks up at the neighbor with big, sad, doggy eyes and says, "Oh please, kind sir, buy me so I won't have to live with my cru...

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Picasso, Caravaggio, and Warhol meet in Hell.

They ask for an appointment with god to ask him why they went to hell despite being great artists who gave so much to the world.

God says, "Caravaggio, you were a street gang bully and a literal murderer. Of course you go to hell."

"What about me?" Picasso says.

"Picasso, you tr...

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Everyone knows what Neil Armstrong said as he stepped onto the moon, but few people know what he said as he boarded the lander to take off- "Good luck Mr. Kowalski."

Years later when a biographer asked him about it, Armstrong told him about a time he heard his neighbors having a huge fight.

Mrs. Kowalski was really tearing into her husband, Neil could hear her yelling from clear across his yard. Curious, he snuck closer to the window of their house just ...

I have a friend who was obsessed with the moon.

Lunar cycles, werewolf lore, eclipse dates, he knew all about them and then some. The really strange part was he focused solely on the moon in this way, no other part of space.

Made him easy to shop for though. Werewolf movies, moon pies, he'd love them just for being tangentially connected t...

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