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Tiss Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a rimshot and a rimjob?

One goes *ba dum tiss*, the other is da bum kiss.

Why did Barbie never get pregnant?

Because Ken came in a different box.

Badum tiss.

Old blonde joke.

A husband comes home to find his beautiful blonde wife sitting at the kitchen table in tears.
"What's wrong, dear?" He asks
Through her tears she says, "well, I've been trying to put this puzzle together all day and I just can't seem to figure it out! It's supposed to be a tiger."
He loo...

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...

Ba dum tiss....

What's a dictator's favorite kind of tea?

Cruel tea.



Ba dum tiss.

I am a social vegan

I avoid meet.

Ba dum tiss

What gym equipment do demons never use?

The exorcise bike.

Ba dum tiss.

As a door to door salesman, you never want to hear people say that your product "really sucks."

Unless you're selling vacuum cleaners.

Ba dum tiss.

Never underestimate the ability of someone with a one track mind

To lose his train of thought.

Ba dum tiss.

Did you hear about the blind rabbi that missed when he was trying to perform a circumcision?

He got the sack!

Badum tiss.

Did you hear about the astronaut who was nonchalant about flying near a black hole?

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Ba dum tiss.

What did the architect of Villa Savoye say when he died and became a ghost?

Le CorBOO

Ba dum tiss.

What do pumpkins, watermelons, and cantaloupes in the path of a steamroller have in common?

They all end up as squash.

Ba dum tiss.

What do Saitama and Gotye have in common?

They're both one hit wonders.

Ba dum tiss.

Did you hear about the two brothers who wrote down unhappy fairy tales?

They were rather Grimm about it.

Ba dum tiss.

Do you want to know why I hate Russian dolls?

Because they are so full of them selfs

*ba dum tiss*

Stupid joke my dad told me when I was a kid, never forgot it.

So, the story goes that there was this town that had a big red lever in the middle of the town square. The lever, if pulled, would destroy the world. Because of this the lever was heavily guarded at all times. Here is where we introduce a man in that town. His name was Nate. Nate grew up around that...

A sheep, a drum, and snake fell off a cliff

Bah-dum-tiss

What do you call an elderly snowman?

Water (bu dum tiss)

Not many people can brag about getting a handjob from the barber after a haircut

but then again not many people cut their own hair.



Ba dum tiss.

What do you call a fake noodle ?

An Impasta

*badum tiss*

What do you call an alligator with a GPS?

A navigator. .... *ba dum tiss*

Why don't ants go to church? I

Because they are in sects.

Ba dum tiss

A kangaroo hops into the bar, the bartender, says "sorry we're closed"

The kangaroo says, "I thought you needed a bouncer"

*Ba dum tiss*

I was excited, I had heard there was a murder in a park down the street.

Imagine my disappointment when only thing there were a bunch of crows.




Edit: You know...because a group of crows is a murder...buddum tiss. My first original joke on here and is not going so well.

Photons have mass?

I didn't even know they were Catholic!

*ba dim tiss*

I use to know a classic rim shot joke, but...umm

tiss

A sheep, Don Trump and a snake all fall off a ledge

Baa Dumb Tiss!

Why should every woman know a C++ programmer?

Because they'll always let friends access their private members.

Ba dum tiss.

The perfect response to "there's a party in my pants and everyone's coming"

"Is it a search party?" Ba-dum-tiss..

I ran over a child who was on his way to band practice carrying his cymbals. I'll never forget that horrible sound as I rolled past his motionless corpse.

Ba dum tiss

Bunch of jokes

Want to hear something funny?
Two drums and a symble fell off a cliff dudnt tiss

Want to hear a dirty joke?
A pig fell in the mud.

Want to hear a clean joke?
It take a bath.

Want to hear a joke about pizza?
Nah its to cheesy.

What is black and white and sliddi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a girl asked me if I was a tits or an ass man..

so I said, well my friends always tell me, "You're an ass, man!"

Ba dum tiss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is my "go to" dirty joke ...always

What did one tampon say to the other..... nothing, they are both stuck up cunts. ba dum tiss

A frog walks into a bank...

So, one day a frog walked into a bank. He hopped on over to a teller and quickly eyed her name tag: Patricia Waak.

Frog: Good morning, Miss Waak. Such a lovely day outside, isn't it?

*teller just stares at him, because, well, he's a FROG.*

Teller: Uh, yes. Yes it is. How can I h...

It was my first time riding a plane...

I was so nervous, and it was showing I was very uncomfortable...

A good-looking stewardess, approached me and asked if I was feeling okay, and If I needed anything. I said no, I was fine, it was my first time riding a plane and was just nervous. She smiled and said, "Ah perhaps you should lis...

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