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Time Traveler Jokes

An OverweightTime Traveler goes to ancient rome

An Overweight Time Traveler goes to ancient rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He goes to the counter and asks ...

A time traveler walks into a bar, but the bartender refuses to serve him.

"Why the hell not?" he asks.

"We don't serve *any* time travelers here," the bartender explains, "not since one got stinking drunk and trashed the place four years ago."

"Four years ago, you say..."

Time traveler talks to a mathematician

The time traveler says, "Hello, in my grad school I have learned that it is impossible for any number which is a power greater than the second to be written as the sum of two like powers such as x^n + y^n = z^n for n > 2."

"Show me how you proved it," the mathematician says.

"Indeed...

The bartender says "No time travelers allowed in this bar"

Two time travelers walk into a bar

Sorry sir, we don't serve time travelers here

A time traveler walks into a bar

My friend is a nonbinary time traveler

Their pronouns are they/then

Time Traveler

A time traveler shows up in Manhattan and asks the nearest person what year it is. The person responds, “2023 of course.”

The time traveler looks up at the sky and mumbles, “Ah yes, the first year of the Balloon Wars.”

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A time traveler meets Adolf Hitler in a bar

Instead of trying to kill him and mess up the timeline he instead sits down to have a drink with Hitler.

The time traveler looked at Hitler and asked “So how are you doing?”

“Pretty terrible, I just got kicked out of art school.”

“Well that sucks, you’ll probably land on your fe...

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A time traveler joke

A time traveler goes to kill Hitler. He is drinking at a bar. The traveler sits down and orders a drink. "Do you know what I hate?" Hitler says. "I don't know, Jews?" the traveler replies. "I was going to say time travelers coming to kill me. But now that you mentioned it..."

I think my wife is a time traveler

I've seen that doctors are saying you should avoid close physical contact to stop the spread of coronavirus. Somehow she knew about this years ago.

A time traveler has traveled back in time to the year 1963.

However, he does not know the exact date.
He sees a CIA agent nearby and asks him:
"Is today before or after the JF-"

"Before"

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Just found out from a time traveler who lost tonight’s debate!

America!

Enjoy the shit show. Cheers.

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The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

Time passes. The patrons filter out. Eventually the bartender grows old. His children mourn him at his passing, and meet the grave in their turn. The city crumbles under the intrigues of time and war, and new cities lay their foundations upon the old. These, too, crumble. Humanity itself grows old, ...

A time traveler meets a teacher

“Can I ask you what month it it?”

“May.”

“Fine. *May* I ask you what month it is?”

The time traveler was still hungry after his last bite

So he went back four seconds

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Fucking a time traveler.

*"A blast from the past!"*

I met a time traveler today

Something strange happened to me this morning. I was walking my dog, when all of a sudden I heard a strange whooshing sound and out of nowhere a guy appeared on the side walk in front of me. He looked like he was in his twenties and was wearing really strange cloths. He was staring at a small techni...

So a time traveler meets George W Bush...

Time Traveler: "What year is it?"

George Bush: "2001"

TT: "Before or after the 9/11 terrorist attack?"

GB: "Before"

A time traveler comes back from the year 2045

I encountered a time traveler today. During my self isolation he came to the door dressed in a hazmat suit. I was of course alarmed when I opened the door to such a site. He quickly explained who he was and asked if he could have just a few minutes of my time. I didn't believe anything he was sa...

A time traveler goes to the past

A time traveler goes to the past and squishes a bug by accident,he goes back to the future and finds a woman on the sidewalk,he asks her "Who is president?" She replies with "Joe biten." He then says "You mean joe biden?" She shook her head and pointed behind him..there was a bulldog in a suit. "Joe...

But the time traveler didn’t get hired

A time traveler went to an interview to get a job . . .

A time traveler walks into a bar

*You would think he had learned to duck the first time

*...again

How many time travelers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. One to change the lightbulb and one to hold the ladder.

The two happiest days in a time traveler's life:

The day they complete their time machine and the day they stop themself from completing their time machine.

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A time traveler goes back in time to force Hitler’s mom to have an abortion.

It was a miscarriage of justice.

Did you know Jeffrey Dahmer was a time traveler?

He was eating Five Guys before it was a thing.

I think the tomatoes in my garden are actually round red time travelers.

They all seem to be developing wormholes.

I’m a time traveler, and I came here to tell you a joke from the future.

But it’s just too far ahead of its time.

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An accidental time traveler falls in a wormhole

He emerges into a building in chaos, people running and screaming. Bodies crashing to the pavement outside

"OH FUCK!" He screams. It must be September 11 2001!!

A man screams in return "No you fool! It's October 24th,1929!"

Time travelers protest

What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it? It really doesn't matter!

A time traveler arrives in the year 2069 and decides to check in with Reddit to see if it's still around.

To his surprise it is. So he heads to /r/jokes to see what has developed in the world of humor.

To his surprise, each post consisted of just a number. Scrolling through, he saw that each vote had a hundreds of upvotes while 3527 had thousands and several awards to boot.

Puzzled, he ...

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