UPJOKE
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Why are motion capture actors no longer allowed to pick the tightest fitting mocap-suit?

Because it constantly turned on the cameras.

Who's got the tightest bod in the North Pole?

Abdominal Snowman

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A joke someone told at long sauna night yesterday

A man awakes to his wife laughing loudly.

"Why are you laughing, woman?"

"I had funny dream last night. Next to our bed was a bucket full of penises. And the smallest and cutest one on top, that was yours."

"Haha, how funny. Not." Thought the man. "But wait for tomorrow."
...

Did you hear about the mummy that reached the top 10 with his new album?

People say it's cause he has the tightest wraps

Muhammad Ali has two boys.

Both of them head strong and talented like their father, vigorously passionate about their sport. But neither of them took a liking to boxing. They actually had an uncanny knack for driving, or rather, the opposite of driving. They could put a car into perfect position flawlessly every time, even in...

Two old trees were arguing in the forrest

What, pondered they, was identity of a sapling newly sprung up a few years prior.

"It's the son of a beech!" Said one.

"It's the son of a birch!" Replied the other.

They decided to settle the score by asking a passing woodpecker.

After giving the young tree a quick once o...

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3 dogs at a vet

3 dogs were waiting at a vet clinic.

Dog1: I was a very naughty boy, I bit everyone I could and even the masters baby, I am here to be put down. What about you guys?

Dog2: Well I was a naughty boy as well, I just can't wait in one place, and I destroy everything in my masters house, I ...

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A husband and wife are asleep in bed.

They both awake from a dream and the wife looks and the husband and says.

"I just had the strangest dream, it was Christmas and we were all gathered around the tree. The tree though instead of branches was covered in dicks, thousands of them and on the top was the most magnificent cock I hav...

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Sex with a Japanese woman...

A lawyer from New York, is on a business trip to Tokyo. In Tokyo he's negotiating a big deal between the company he represents and a Japanese firm. Talks take place in English at a sushi-restaurant in down-town Tokyo, between the businessman and Mr. Oki, head of the Japanese company.

The neg...

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Best Jokes

Edit: I would like to see what anyone else has. Lets keep this going with the best Joke you know. I will get this started with this gem




This guy goes to alaska to get a job drilling oil. The put him in this little ass mining town with about 50 other dudes. He goes into the loca...

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The new recruit [Long]

Bob's out with the rest of his army troop on deployment out in the middle of nowhere. After a couple of months, the loneliness and sexual frustration starts reeeeeeally getting to him. He even tries subtly beating off in his bunk while the rest of the room's asleep, but gets sharply hissed at from t...

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The Newly Weds

After the ceremony, a newly wed couple celebrated their marriage at the brides father's ranch.

The groom, having traveled a lot during their relationship, didn't have a chance to acquaint himself to anyone but the brides mother and father.

During the dinner, he finally got to meet most...

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