UPJOKE

Through The Roof Jokes

I've just fallen through the roof of a French bakery...

Now I'm in a world of pain.

As a responsible employer, All my staff are in a 2 week quarantine.

Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.

Sir, the numbers are in and I'm pleased to report that chimney sales are through the roof.

But our kindling branch is up in smoke.

My landlord yelled at me today because my heating bill is through the roof and that he's going to have to come over soon to discuss a solution.

I told him my door is always open.

I started a company...

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

I started a boat business in the attic.

The sails are going through the roof

You think gad and electric bills are expensive... have you seen chimneys?

They're through the roof!

They say talk is cheap.

But my phone bill is through the roof.

There's a new company that's planning to feed cows a diet of cannabis mixed in with their food.

They claim that the relaxed cattle produce more milk, and tender meat. The issue is that the legal costs of this are through the roof, and even the best estimates are that they won't turn a profit until 2034. The steaks have never been higher.

Do you know how much a chimney costs?

Me neither but I bet it's through the roof!


Just kidding, it's on the house.

I recently began selling faulty jetpacks to fortune tellers.

Prophets are flying through the roof.

I've started my own buisness building model yachts in my attic during lockdown.

Sales are going through the roof.



(I'll take my things and leave now..)

"How much does this chimney cost?", the customer asked politely

"Oh, prices are through the roof sir!", the salesman replied.

I recently became the owner of a house boat dealership

The sails went through the roof

One Day, Mario took peach to a fancy pizzaria

They made their order, then sat down and waited. After a few minutes a busty waitress brought them their pizza. Then they started eating. once their meal was done the waitress came back to see how their meal went. To her and Peach's horror, Mario was so big he broke through the roof. When the waitre...

If you keep a rocket in your home

the chances of having a household incident go through the roof

Ever since the boat builder had to work from home,

his Sails have been through the roof.

Huge spike in auto-burglaries where crooks cut openings through top of convertibles.

Police spokesman says this type of crime is “through the roof.”

I heard due to the pandemic jobs of all types have been affected. Even employment rates for hitmen are down 75 percent...

On the bright side, demand for ninja assassins is through the roof!

An old Chinese story

A village was terrorized by a demon. The demon attacked people, ate their livestock, trampled their fields, screamed when they tried to sleep, blew out their lights, pinched their babies, threw their dinners on the floor, broke bowls, intentionally sang off key, and was a real nuisance. The villager...

So they finally made an affordable and functional jetpack

The sales are through the roof

My side hustle (building model boats in my attic) is going so well that...

I might have to move to new premises.

Sales are through the roof.

When God closes a door, he opens a window.

My electric bill is through the roof.

a friend of mine set up a boat building company in his attic.

the sails were through the roof.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vampires!

So a Man and His newly wedded wife were about to have Sex in this Transylvanian Hotel. She was lying on the bed, dress in nothing but her tiny lingerie. Just when he was about to get on the bed with her and do the deed. A Vampire crashed through the roof between them. It stood there, menacingly, and...

Have you heard about pogo stick cult?

Prophets have gone through the roof.

So I just started my own indoor ship production company.

Production was great, until sales started going through the roof.

To earn extra money, I started a home-based business building small boats in my attic ...

Business was really slow until I switched to larger vessels, and now sails are through the roof!

Canadian Protesters...

So there were some protesters at the Canadian parliament buildings yesterday. 2 of them had the great idea to scale the Peace Tower (the massive tower on the centre front) and stand on the roof. Unfortunately, the copper roof broke and one of the men fell down the tower hitting the bells on his way ...

True story ( I hope you see the humour)

Back in the 50’s in Sou’West Nova Scotia the roads were not very good and the fog was always very thick which made driving difficult for even the best drivers.
My father at 17 was in the Canadian Navy, got drunk, got into a fight and landed himself in jail. This was about an hours drive from wher...

String of Cheese Jokes

Hear about the French cheese factory that exploded the other day? DeBrie everywhere.

They think it might be an insurance scam by the owner though he's a bit mental, painted his wife the other day! He Double Gloucester.

He even tried to start up a new business making clothes out of chee...

I'm starting a career by putting bombs in prayer mats

I think prophets will go through the roof

I walked into a store today...

...and they were selling explosives disguised as prayer mats. I wasn't one to judge them; after all, they'd said prophets were going through the roof.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rough and tough cowboy hitches his horse outside a saloon.

Spurs ringing up the stairs, the door swings open and he sits down on a stool. "gimme a beer, bottle of whisky". After he drinks his fair share we walks back out to unhitch his horse. A second later, the swinging doors bust open and a bullet tears through the roof. "All right you sons of bitches! W...

Invest Now!

Quick! Invest now! Theres a company in England that is now manufacturing landmines that look like prayre mats! The main factorty is in the middle east, where prophets are going through the roof!

I was surprised when my dad revealed he was a mystical chemist...

He said that the world was ending and I was the only one to stop it. He handed me a blue and yellow pill and told me to swallow it. Reluctantly, I swallowed it in a big, hard gulp.

Suddenly, my legs started to run away and everything became small. I even crashed through the roof!

A da...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An amateur band was recording a new album in the studio...

...and decided to record a cover of another less known artist, a judge who mostly played small private events like weddings.

The album became a huge hit, and sales went through the roof. However, the judge also happened to come across the album after its release. The judge contacted their man...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old business tycoon marries a young supermodel but knows his jealousy will eventually, get the better of him…

So everyday, the tycoon; Mr Green, rings up his new wife from his office on the top floor of his international corporation headquarters in the city to their penthouse apartment in the suburbs. And everyday, regular as clockwork the wife answers, slightly out of breath and always surprised to hear hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Making yachts during the coronavirus lockdown

I have a friend named Pete who makes yachts for a living. Pete was quite worried about the virus as he thought not many people would be in the market for one of his nice boats. His yachts are big, sturdy, and beautiful, but primarily they're designed for big groups of people. Who's going to want to ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.