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Three Finger Jokes

A man loses three fingers in a horrific work accident

He asks the doctor if he’ll be able to drive with that hand..



The doctors says… Maybe, but I wouldn’t count on it..

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community..

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

"I'm three!" yelled my son as he held up three fingers.

"Son, I need you to tell me where you found those fingers."

I lost three fingers on my right hand, so l asked my doctor if I would still be able to write with it

The doctor said, "Maybe, but I wouldn't count on it."

Man to his gf: "are three fingers too much?"

Her:"not at all, most people have ten!"

They say when you point the finger, three fingers are pointing back at you.

That's why I always accuse people with my full erection. Checkmate.

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A king declares that all Jewish people must leave the kingdom, unless one can beat his priest in a contest.

The rules are simple: without saying a single word, the contestants must argue their faith until one concedes. Among the Jewish citizens, only one old man steps forward to compete.

The priest and the old man take the stage before a crowd, and the contest begins.

The priest raises his ...

Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down.

That's how you wash a cup.

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The pope decided to kick out all the Jews from Italy

So one day the pope decided to kick out all the Jews in Italy, and of course the Jews had a thing or two to say about that.

After much uproar the pope relented and said "take 3 days to find your most wisest rabbi and he and I will have a silent battle of knowledge. If I win you leave, if you ...

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One Pope, in the Dark Ages, decreed that all Jews had to leave Rome...

...The Jews did not want to leave, and so the Pope challenged them to a disputation to prove that they could remain. No one, however wanted the responsibility… until the synagogue janitor, Moishe, volunteered.

As there was nobody else who wanted to go, Moishe was given the task. But because h...

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Theological debate

One day, the Pope decided he'd ban all Jews from the Vatican. The Jews understandibly got really angry about this, so the Pope proclaimed that if a Jew could manage to beat him in a theological debate, they could stay.

The Jews chose their wisest rabbi for the religious debate against the Pop...

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Two girls walk into a pub.

After a little while, the barman notices that the older one is actually transexual.

The transexual walks up to the bar and says in a deepish voice, "One chardonnay and a large guimess for my sis please."

She takes the drinks back to the table and they drink them up. A few rounds late...

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One day the Pope...

Decides to get rid of all the Jews in the Vatican. Of course this brings an uproar in the Jewish community until finally the pope calls for a silent debate for the Jews to stay. So the Jews send the Rabbi.

The Pope and Rabbi start their debate, with the pope raising three fingers. The Rabbi r...

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A man walks up to a steaming heap of brown matter..

He stops. "Sure looks like to me", he mumbles to himself.

He bends down, and with his nose next to it, he takes a deep breath. ""Sure smells like to me", he says.

He gently pushes three fingers deep into the brown matter. "Darn sure feels like to me", he exclaims.
...

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One day the pope decided to throw all the Jews out of Rome...

He made an announcement to the Jewish community: "Send me your smartest scholar to convince me why I should let the Jewish people stay and I may reconsider my stance." The Roman Jewish community sent Rabbi Moshe, a 78 year old Hebrew school teacher and, according to everyone but himself, the smartes...

Yo momma's so fat

It took me three fingers to swipe left.

A computer walks into a bar

When the bartender asks how many drinks he wants, the computer holds up three fingers.
“I’ll take 7.”

A young teacher confronts her math class of young kids with a simple question: “Three birds are sitting on a tree when a hunter comes and shoots one down, how many birds are left on the tree?”

“None!” shouts a boy across the classroom.

“Come here” says the teacher while the kid is approaching her through the weird looks of their classmates. The teacher calmly repeats the question again this time holding three fingers up for the sitting birds and removing one for the hunter’s victim...

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Unknown Punchline ... Help

My grandfather was an amateur stand-up and used to run material by anyone who would listen.

From the time I was 4 until I was about 10 he would take me bowling with him about once a week with his fellow old-guys.

I have a vivid memory from when I was about 7-years-old of him telling ...

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In medieval times in Rome, the Pope, influenced by some conservative advisers, decided to expel all Jews from the city

The Pope, not wanting to seem as forcing his decision on the Jews, allowed a debate to be held so the Jews could defend their citizenship.

That night, the Jewish Rabbis gathered in the synagogue to decide who will debate against the Pope. However none of the Rabbis wanted to debate against hi...

Three men sit down for a drink

An American, a German and a Russian. After a few hours the three decide to brag about who can drink more. The American goes first and holds up one finger. "I can drink one bottle of vodka in one sitting". The other two applaud him as that is an impressive feat. The German goes second and holds up t...

A little boy is walking home from his friend's house,

When he sees something in the middle of the road. He bends over and picks up a picture of a smiling pretty girl holding up two fingers. He thinks, "Wow! What a cool picture! I'm going to show Mo-." The boy is hit by a truck and instantly dies. A man gets out of the truck in a panic and 911 already p...

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A rabbi and the Pope have a religious debate

Several of the Pope's officials are concerend about the growing Jewish population in Rome, so the encourage the Holy Father to set up a religious debate with the head Rabbi. If the Rabbi loses, he must leave Rome. If he wins, they can stay.

However, the Rabbi doesn't speak Italian or Latin an...

A Hispanic magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three.

He held up three fingers and began.

"Uno! Dos!"

And then he vanished, without a tres.
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