UPJOKE

This guy walks into a bar

This guy walks into a bar and notices there's slabs of meat all over the ceiling. He goes up to the bartender and asks why there's meat everywhere.

The bartender responds "it's part of our new promotion. If you manage to touch the slabs, your drinks are free all night. If you fail, it's $20 p...

This guy walks into a bar...

...bellies up to the bar and orders a beer. The place is mostly empty, just him at the bar, and he's been there a short while when in walks a gorgeous brunette. She looks around, not seeing him and then marches straight to the back of the joint and sits down at a corner table in the back with a cru...

So, this guy walks into a bar.

And says, "ouch".

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So this guy walks into a bar...

...and walks up to the bartender. As he is ordering his drink, he sees a jar full of money in the counter.



He then asks the bartender what tha jar is all about, to which he replies with, "Oh, the jar is part of a challenge I decided to set up for the patrons of the bar. Winner takes a...

This guy walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for triple boilermaker.

Then he asks for another.

After a couple more drinks, the bartender asks, ”What’s the matter?”

”My wife and I got into a fight, and she she said she wouldn't talk to me for a whole month.”

The bartender thought about it for a while, and said, “don't worry; it will be over bef...

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This guy walks into a bar, takes a seat and puts a bag onto the bar

He reaches into the bag and pulls out a little piano and then a little seat. Then this little guy comes out of the bag takes a bow, has a sits down and start playing the piano. A man with a hat sitting next to the man with the bag exclaims, "That's amazing! How did you get this little guy?"

...

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This guy walks into a bar and orders a rhum and coke

The bartender says I got something similar, here’s an apple

Guy: that’s an apple?! I asked for a rhum and coke

Bartender: just have a bite

Guy: WOW! it tastes like rhum!!!

Bartender: turn it around

Guy turns it around and bites: WOW tastes like coke!! Rhum n coke!...

So, this guy walks into a bar with a Newt on his shoulder

The bartender says "that's a weird pet what's his name?"

The guy responds, "oh, his name is Tiny."

The bartender then asks "Well that's a weird name, why do you call him that?"

And the guys answers "because he's mynewt!"

This Guy Walks Into A Bar And Orders A Drink.

This guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender
serves the drink, the guy asks, "Hey, I heard a good Aggie joke
the other day. Do you want to hear it?"

The bartender says, "Well before you tell it, I should warn you
that I'm an Aggie. See those two guys at the end of t...

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So this guy walks into a bar...

...and he see this massive gorilla just sitting behind the counter. So after a few drinks he ask the bartender "Hey man, what's up with that gorilla?"

The bartender says "Oh that gorilla? Check this out," then grabs a baseball bat and WHACKS the gorilla over the back of the head. The gorilla ...

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This guy walks into a bar

Asks the bartender for a drink then pulls out a small piano and a man about a foot tall. The little man sits at the piano and begins playing a beautiful Beethoven sonata.

Amazed, the bartender asks to find out the story behind this mini musician.

The man tells the bartender that he was...

"So this guy walks into a bar and orders three beers...

...several nights a week and drinks them down. The bartender asks him why he doesn't order them one at a time so they will stay cold. The guy replies "I'm from Ireland and my brothers are still there. This helps me to think that they're right here with me".

Months go by and the guy walks in,...

A guy walks into a bar and takes out a tiny piano

This guy walks into a bar and takes out a tiny piano and a 12 inch pianist.




He sets the tiny piano down at the bar, and the tiny pianist starts playing up a storm. The bartender looks at the man and says, "That's amazing, where did you get that?" The man replies, "There's a genie ...

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Guy walks into a bar...

So this guy walks into a bar in a foreign city. On the bar there was a sign that says "Hamburgers $4. Beers $5. Handjobs $10" Behind the bar he sees this gorgeous blonde woman. He calls her over.

Guys says "Excuse me, are... are you the lady that gives the handjobs?"

Blonde "why yes I ...

Guy Walks Into A Bar...

Me: Guy walks into a bar

Person: who was he?

Me: I don't know; anyway, Guy walks into a bar

Person: Was he white, black, Mexican, what?

Me: Race shouldn't matter...Guy walks into a bar...

Person: Was he a drunk? Was he drunk? What was he doing?

Me: I guess h...

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Guy walks into a bar...

So this guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head.


The bartender says "Wow, that's a mighty strange creature there. How'd you get such a thing?"


And the frog says "Well it all started with a bump on my butt..."

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