UPJOKE

They Call Me Jokes

They call me fireman

Cuz I turn on the hoes

They call me the microwave...

Cause i take it out 2 seconds before i finish.

They call me Joe Fat Fingers

And I dobn't kniw whu

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They call me Bill

Three guys are sitting in a bar. An American, Australian and a Russian.

The American wants to show off so he pulls out a revolver and shoots off four bottlecaps without hitting the bottles. He looks at the other two and says: "They call me Bill, Revolver Bill".

Not particularly impres...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Want to know why they call me Olive Oil?

Cause I'm extra virgin. Get on my level.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

They call me "blister" at work.

I show up after the work is done.

Ya know what they call me?

They call me deaf.

Or at least I assume they do.

Credits to u/agenttarian

They call me shotgun

Cause I only need one pump

They call me The Tripod

Her: So why do they call you 'Tripod'?

Me: Let me unzip this and show you...

*opens camera case and takes really steady photo*

They call me the environmentalist

Because I’m all about SUS-tainability

I have one alcoholic beverage and they call me an alcoholic

But when I have a Fanta, no one calls me fantastic.

They call me terms and conditions

Cause i am always ignored

They call me Love Master

Because I suck at tennis.

After I've been waiting at the drive through they call me fat.

And they say it like it's their fault.

"Welcome sir. I'm sorry about your wait. Can I take your order?"

When you think about it I guess it kind of is their fault.

Do you know why they call me Pico?

Cause I'm da guy, yo!

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In Italy, they call me Olive Oil

Its because im extra virgin. :(

They call me 007 at work

0 motivation

0 skills

7 coffee breaks

They call me Schizo man

because they don’t exist

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Guess why they call me Thunder Penis?

Because you can't see it

Hey Girl, you know why they call me the Mechanical Bull?

Because riding me is a very uncomfortable and likely short experience.

Why do they call me an oven?

Because when I get turned on things get really hot

Wanna know why they call me Christmas?

Cause Christmas came early this year.

They call me the Mary Poppins of artillery...

I deliver...

Super-calibre-ballistic-expedient-explosions

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They used to call me "the virgin" until last night's party

Now they call me "Drunky McShitpants"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't they call me Joe the butcher?

I've been a butcher for 20 years. You'd think they'd call me Joe the butcher. But no, they don't.

I'm also a pilot. Fly a lot. You'd think they'd call me Joe the pilot. But nope. They don't.

I give away a ton of money to charity. Most of my money. You'd think they'd call me Joe the phi...

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I do a lot of drugs, so they call me "Bad Teacher."

Because I'm always fucking up my pupils.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saved 100 orphans from a burning building. Do they call me "The Orphan Saver?" No. I butchered 20 men with my bare hands in WWI, but so they call me "The Butcher?" No.

But you fuck one goat....

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They call me Oedipus Rex...

Caus I'm a motherfucking dinosaur.

Everybody call me ugly until they saw my wallet.

They call me ugly and broke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do they call me Craig the fence maker?

Bill was an American tourist in Scotland when he wandered off the trail and got lost. He wandered around for hours and was starting to worry when the sun went down. In the darkness, he saw a tiny light on top of a hill. He knew it meant civilization so he started walking towards it.

After an...

In group projects, they call me the task manager

I **control** the group, **shift** the blame, then proceed to **escape**

What do they call me in prison?

Mitochondria, cause I'm the powerhouse of the cell

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When 2 people have sex it's called a twosome. When 3 people do it it's called a threesom

I guess that's why they call me handsome...

People always call me unattractive until they see my wallet...

then they call me poor too.

Mom why do they call me...

[So my friend told me this joke today]

A little girl walks into her mother's room and asks 'mom, why did you name me daisy?'
'Because when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head,' she replied.
The next child walks in and says 'mom, why did you name me rose?'
'Because when you...

Why do they call me seven days?

Because I'm weak.

They used to call me fat, but then I gained another 66% with soft drinks.

Now they call me fanta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Women call me ugly before they know how much I’m worth.

Afterwards, they call me broke-ass and ugly.

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