UPJOKE

The Way I Jokes

As I get older I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way I think to myself,

maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.

I like my coffee the way I like Elon Musk

Freshly roasted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I like my sex the way I like my car insurance

Paid for by my parents

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I like my sex the way I like my pickpocketing.

Nowhere near security cameras.

I've found the way I use Q-tips is

Ear-responsible.

It takes good brakes to drive the way I do

Other people's good brakes

I like my men the way I like my bread

In the freezer and wrapped in shrink wrap for further use

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With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

At first, I wasn't embarrassed about the way I broke my arm

But I heard the doctors calling it a "humerus fracture"

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My mother always told me I should treat people the way I want to be treated.

but every time I do, I get charged with sexual harassment.

Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?"

It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

I got into an argument with a lady over the way I drive

I told her “If you don’t like the way I drive stay off the sidewalk”

I tried changing up the way I use the bathroom, so I wiped with my left hand today!

I really wish I used toilet paper instead, though.

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I like my girls the way I like my Whiskey.

Eighteen years old, moist and preferably in a basement.

I’ve never liked the way I looked, but then...

I realised I’m not ugly, I’m just not my type!

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[NSFW] I like my coffee the way I like slaves...

Free, you asshole.

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I like my jokes the way I like dick

Dark and unexpected

The way I combed my hair in 7th grade

is the worst part.

I like my beer the way I like my violence.

Domestic.

My dentist told me that the way I brush I deserve a plaque.

Or I have plaque or something like that.

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I like my boobs the way I like Canada...

Nothing beyond the B.C. Border.

I like women the way I like my wine...

Locked up in the cellar.

I like my celebrities the way I like my attempts to clean my room...

...vain.

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As a foreigner, why do people make fun of the way I curse?

This one guy at work in particular. He's a scumbag, a real piece of fuck.

People often complain about the way I drive on icy roads

They're all like, "Why don't you golf somewhere else?"

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I went to leave this world the way i entered it

Drowning in pussy

I like my memes the way I like my freudian slips

Send dudes

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I want to leave this world the way I entered it ...

With a woman desperately trying to get me out of her vagina.

The way I play blackjack is just like my love life...

I always hit on 16!

I like my quesadillas the way I like my puns.

Cheesy.

I like my Holy Infants the way I like my chicken wings..,

Tender and mild.

I was an ISIS photographer for a while but got fired due to the way I was setting up the shots...

They said I kept cutting the heads off people.

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I'm going to end my life the way I started

Naked, Confused and Covered head to toe in my own shit.

The way I see it, the March for Science has really turned out to be more of a parade for science puns than an actual protest.

And I'm totally Oxygen-Potassium with that.

Well you can tell by the way I use my walk

I'm incontinent

No time to talk.

I'm going out of this world the way I came in it...

Inside a drunk college drop out covered in the blood of an unborn twin.

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