UPJOKE

The Selection Jokes

Politicians go visit a school

High ranking politicians visit a school. The top one goes over the expenses and decides to make adjustments to cut costs.
"The lunch portions are too big. Cut them in half. Internet connection too fast. Too many computers."

After that, they go to a preschool. Again, the expenses are too ...

"Hmm," I said to the fishmonger, examining the selection. "I've got the munchies, I will eat any of these."

"Smoked trout?" he asked.

"No," I replied. "Just a little bit of weed."

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Indian government wants to build a factory [long]

So they called for bids from several local and international companies. Three were shortlisted: one local, one Chinese, one Japanese.

* The Japanese firm offered to build it for 25 Mn dollars in six months, and offered a guarantee for 10 years. But they were not keen on bribing the contract o...

Repainting the White House

There was an open call for repainting the White House and 3 businessmen applied. One was from China, one was from Germany and one was from Albania. The Chinese asked 3 million dollars to do the job, the German asked 7 million and the Albanian asked 9 million. During the selection phase they asked th...

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A lady helps her husband to set up a new laptop.

Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password, selecting a word that he’ll always remember.

As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife and with a macho gesture and a wink in his eye, he types “mypenis”.

As he hits “enter” to validate the selection, his wife c...

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A man is at a mall and sees a Mexican book store.

Curious, he walks in to see the selection, and wonders if they have the book he's looking for. So he goes up to the shop owner and asks "do you have the latest book by Donald Trump?"

The shop owner states at him in confusion for a second and yells "Fuck you, get out and stay out!"

Man ...

An old fisherman and his wife ate fish every day...

An old fisherman and his wife lived in a remote outport and they ate fish every day. One day, the fisherman said, "Dear, I'm sick of fish. A big grocery store opened in the town that's 40 miles away, I'm going there to buy something different for dinner."

So the fisherman goes to the grocery ...

Will and the Narnidian

There was once a little shopkeeper that lived in Narnidia who sold various 'crafted' items. Eventually, he decided (for one reason or another) that he needed to move to the US. After moving, his very first customer walks in. The shopkeeper says, in a friendly manner, "Name?" The guy says "Will." Th...

A teenager asks his crush out to prom

She agrees, but she has three stipulations:

First, he has to get himself a tailor-made suit.

Second, he needs to pick her up in a limousine.

Third, she wants a large bouquet of roses waiting for her in said limousine.



Determined, the teenager starts with the fi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For all my military personnel

A SEA/L, PJ and a Green Beret all are trying to make Delta. The last phase of the selection process comes up and the instructor says "Alright men, you've come a long way. But you can't have any emotional ties to distract you. Behind each of these three doors, is each of your wives with her hands ti...

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