UPJOKE

The Rock Jokes

Why did Dwayne ‘the rock’ Johnson’s family get tested for COVID-19

They couldn’t smell what the rock was cooking.

How does The Rock pee?

He Dwaynes his Johnson.

When I met the Rock, he seemed quite shy.

I expected him to be a little bolder.

Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking...

...and asks for seconds.

What's a drink The Rock is mortally afraid of?

Dr. Paper

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What happens when you slap Dwayne The Rock Johnson's butt?

You hit rock bottom

Two old guys are at a bar drinking a scotch on the rocks

First Guy: looking at his ice cubes, " these ice cubes have holes in them, when did they invent this stuff?"

Second guy: "Must be a long time ago, I have been married to one for forty years."

Jesus, Chuck Norris and the Pope are sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake.

They decide to get to the shore, so Jesus leaves the boat first and walks over the water to the shore.

Chuck Norris leaves second and also walks over the water to the shore.

The Pope, being baffled, also tries to take a step out of the boat but immediately falls in, so he has to swim t...

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A man is lost in the woods and it is getting dark.

As he walks through the woods he comes across a small cabin. He goes up to the cabin and knocks on the door. An old Chinese man opens it. 

“I’m lost in the woods and I need somewhere to stay for the night,” the man said. “Can I please stay here?” 

“Sure,” said the Chinese man. “But as ...

The Rock is divorcing his wife..

Because she takes him for granite.

What do you call The Rock's Irish Doppleganger???

A ShamRock

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To the jerk that threw the rock through my window:

You must *really* hate Dwayne Johnson.

A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because...

... of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally, the old girl passed away. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I wou...

What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

The rock musician plays three chords for thousands of people, the jazz guitarist plays thousands of chords to three people.

Why does everyone love The Rock?

Because he is so gneiss.

Did you hear about the rock that faced his greatest fear?

He is now a little boulder.

How did the rock climber lose his friend?

He cut ties with him.

There's a movie called The Rock that doesn't star The Rock, but rather Nicolas Cage.

If The Rock ever stars in a movie called Cage I fear this will only grow more confusing.

Chris Rock, The Rock, and Kid Rock walk into a marijuana dispensary

*something about being stoned*

I tried.

So... two guys are walking through the desert and they find this deep hole.

The first guy says "That looks like a deep hole."
The second guy says "That looks like a REALLY deep hole. Let's check it out." He picks up a small rock and throws it in. The rock goes Bang bang ^bang .... They agree. It is deep. They pick up a rock the size of a bowling ball and throw it...

Why does The Rock decides to leave WWE?

He heard that The Paper was contesting...

Unconfirmed rumors that The Rock has been injured while on location in Namibia

I guess Dwayne's down in Africa.

What did The Rock say when the waiter offered him a box for his leftovers?

I’m not much of a boxer, but I’ll wrestle you for it.

A man finds himself in a jungle surrounded by cannibals…

Seeing no possible way to escape, he says to himself, “Oh God, I’m screwed!”

Suddenly a light shines down from the heavens upon the man and he hears the voice of God, and God says, “No my son. You’re not screwed. You see the rock on the ground next to you? The pointy one? Take it and throw i...

What did the rock-eating scientist say when he wasn’t hungry?

I’ve lost my apatite.

Why did the paper lose the race against the rock?

Because it was stationary.

Dad joke: What did the rock say to the scissors?

I’m Dwayne The Rock Johnson.

Sorry.

What do you call the rocks kids covered in chocolate?

Coco pebbles.










I hate this joke.

The Rock and his family just got diagnosed with Covid-19

No one at his home can smell what he's cooking tonight.

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George Bush dies and goes to hell

Satan is already waiting for him.
'Well, I don't know what to do. See, you're on my list, but I have no free rooms for you. But you, you definitely have to stay in hell, so I'll have to find a solution. There are a few people here who aren't as bad as you are... I guess I'll let one go and you'll...

I saw a rock the other day that has been painted on..

The words: Turn me Over ----->


I turn the rock over then it says:



"You just took orders from a rock


Are you stoned?"

Two fishermen were fishing off the rocks...

The first fishermen was catching fish so fast they we're practically jumping straight into his bucket.

The second fishermen asked the first what his secret was. To which the first responded.

I have no wife, or girlfriend, I am a very lonely man.

The first fishermen didn't unders...

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A man is sitting on a flight from NYC to London

He feels a little cold, so he asks the cabin attendant for a blanket. The cabin crew completely ignores him. On the seat next to him is no other than a parrot. The parrot screams "get me a scotch on the rocks you stupid cunt". Not a moment passes and the parrot gets a nice glass of whiskey. The man ...

I was one step away from hitting the rock bottom

His bodyguard caught me, Dwayne is a well protected man

A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in the rocking chair with nothing on from the waist down.

A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in the rocking chair with nothing on from the waist down.

“Grandpa, what are you doing?” he asked.

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.

“Grandpa, what are you doing sit...

What is The Rock's middle name?

"best station, 107.3FM for all your Classic"

Today I hit the rock bottom.

Dwayne was like: “Dude stop slapping my ass”

Did you see Dwayne The Rock Johnson is recovering from COVID ?

I hear he couldn’t even smell what he was cookin.

Why do movies with Kevin Hart and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson pairing do well in the box office?

Because they have a little Hart and a big Johnson

Why do geologist keep some of the rocks they collected?

Because it has sedimentary value

Why did the rock jump of the cliff?

It wanted to be boulder

Who had The Rock never beaten in his career?

Paper

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami workshop...

I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors...

What do you get when you combine the Rock and E.T.?

(From my little brother)

A rocket

Why is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson always so sad?

Everyone takes him for granite.

A freighter carrying a shipment of whiskey from Scotland lost power and was blown onto the rocks in Nova Scotia. The entire cargo was lost.

it left no tern unstoned.

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The billionaire and the mermaid whisperer

A billionaire is sailing his yacht past a lighthouse, and he sees the elderly lighthouse keeper out on the rocks at the base of the lighthouse, getting a blowjob from a mermaid - the top half was a stunning, curvy redhead, and the bottom half was a tiger shark. As he watches, the pair finish the act...

What's the difference between where you pour dirty water and The Rock?

One's the the bottom of a sink and the other's a Dwayne.

What Would The Rocks Boyfriend Be Called?

Fruity Pebble..

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Since the success of The Rock, fans suggest more wrestlers should participate in acting.

They are. It's called wrestling.

I heard that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is thinking in running for President.

The only way he's winning if he's going against scissors.

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Three vampires walk into a bar... The 1st one, quite thirsty promptly says to the bartender "I'll have a glass of blood, type AB-, on the rocks", quickly followed by the 2nd making his request for "A Bloody Mary, type B+"

and lastly the 3rd one, after a little consideration, asks for "A glass of hot water please".

The first 2 vampires immediately give a look of contempt to the 3rd one, one of them exclaiming "A glass of hot water? What kind of pansy order is that?". To which the 3rd vampire, while taking a use...

Jon Bon Jovi was inducted into the Rock hall of fame

I asked him, "aren't you disappointed and ashamed you aren't in the more prestigious Rock & ***Roll*** hall of fame?"



He said "Woah, we're halfway there".

How do you win a fight to the death against The Rock?

Use paper.

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For those of you that never heard an ending to Bender's joke from the movie The Breakfast Club.

A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She sets the poodle down on the bar and the bartender says "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The blonde says "as a matter of fact, make it a double scotch on the rocks! I was just drying off af...

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.

After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders another double martini.

After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders another one.

The bartender says: "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martini's all night long - but you got to tell m...

Why dont illegal immigrants like their drinks on the rocks?

Because they dont like ICE

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