UPJOKE

The Nerd Jokes

What did the nerd say to the cute girl?

Are you an API because I want to call you?

What did the nerd say on a hot day?

I wish I was cool.


(Original joke made up by my 7-year old)

Come over to the Nerd side...

We have Pi.

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**INFINITY WAR SPOILERS**

Ok now that all the nerds are gone, there's a party going on at my place this Saturday. hmu if you're interested.

The bully loomed threateningly over the nerd and said, "You know what snitches get don't you?"

Ummm, "150 points?"

A nerd goes to the beach

And none of the women pay him any attention. Embarrassed, he finds a popular guy and asks him for tips.

"Try getting a better haircut."

The nerdy guy tries it, but the women still don't notice him. He asks for more tips.

"Try getting contacts and more stylish swim trunks."
...

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A schoolyard bully is picking on a nerd and says, "Hey, loser, see that guy over there? He told me your mother fucked a donkey, and you're the result!"

The nerd gets upset and says, "Ignore him! Hee-haw, hee-haw, hehaways says that."

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A rich guy buys a new car

A rich guy buys a new car , the newest Ferrari model with the maximum speed of 400 km per hour, very proud of this new car he decides to take it
for a spin.He drives around for a while until he runs out of gas, he pulls over to the nearest gas station and fills up the car and then goes back in to...

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2 Girls 1 Nerd

A kind of nerdy, loner-type guy finally builds up the courage to talk to two hot women. As he's walking up he's trying to think of something funny and interesting to say when he gets to them he blurts out "97% of women masturbate in the shower!" The two women look at him oddly but are intrigued an...

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Open Season on Nerds

This truck driver was driving through the Silicon Valley. He decides he needs a cup of coffee so he pulls into this truck stop. As he goes in the door he sees a sign that says "No Nerds will be served." He sits down at the bar, and the bartender comes over to him. The truck driver says, "I'll have a...

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One Wednesday, a teacher says to her students,

"Whoever can answer this next question correctly can go home for the day." Naturally the entire class sits up and pays attention at the possibility of skipping the whole day, particularly the class nerd.

She slams her hand on the desk for emphasis and says, "How many drops of water are ther...

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A skinny nerd walks into a bar.

“Hey!” he shouts to one table “All you idiots should move to table seven!” and to another table he shouts “And all you morons should move to table nine!” A big ass body builder gets up from the first table and faces the nerd and growls “Hey, I’m not an idiot!” The nerd straightens his glasses, looks...

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Trucker is hauling a B-double with three containers full of computer parts.

It's getting on toward dark, and so he stops at a steakhouse for a bite.


The first thing he sees is a sign on the door:


NO THONGS


NO SINGLETS


NO NERDS


MANAGEMENT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REFUSE ADMISSION


No nerds? Weird. But whatever...

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Game of thrones spoiler!!!!

Now that all the nerds aren't paying attention, party at my house this Saturday.

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Nerds

A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "Nerds Not Allowed - Enter At Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says, "You smell kind of nerdy. What do...

A truck driver had stopped for dinner at a cafe in a small town

Some of the regulars there noticed him and began sniffing the air.

"I smell nerd," said a regular to the truck driver. "Are you a nerd?"

The truck driver nervously said, "No, I'm not a nerd. Why?"

Another regular said, "Because around here we shoot nerds."

"Yeah," said ...

MAYOR ENDGAME SPOILERS AHEAD!

Ok now that all the nerds are gone, I'm throwing an epic party at my house tomorrow and you're all invited!

Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.

This might be the nerdiest joke I know. Here's a bonus mathematical nerd joke:

Why don't riddles work in octal notation?

Because seven ten eleven.

An unpopular math nerd in school never really interacted with anyone.

Some girls decided to play a prank by giving him a piece of paper saying "i <3 u".

Unfortunately, the nerd did not understand and just responded, "Assuming solving for u, u > i/3".

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A nerd went fishing and caught a very small goldfish...

She spoke with human voice to him, beging to be left alive because she is so young, and if he lets her go, she will grant him a wish. The nerd thought a litle and said "Ok, i will let you go, but don' t let me die a virgin" . This is how he gained immortality....

A cornea, a female sheep, a tire and a nerd walk into a haunted house

The cornea bounces in first, making plenty of noise all throughout the house, and leaves terrified and satisfied.

The female sheep prances in next, and terrified bleeting can be heard by all, before she leaves in fear.

The tire rolls in next, making loud, frightened rubbery noises insi...

Some sciences as per my high school nephew...

Geology: All hail the Rock!
Psychology: brainception
Genetics: Punett squares and percentages
Chemistry: what is water?
Biology: no math for the love of God
Physics: 1001 ways to throw things
Astronomy: the nerds of the science world

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