UPJOKE

The Most Dangerous Jokes

What is the most dangerous type of canoes?

Volcanoes

What is the most dangerous position in chess?

C4

I survived the most dangerous place in America...

And all I got was this lousy diploma

What is the most dangerous job in Russia?

Opposition party leader.

What's the most dangerous thing a flat-earter can do?

Living life on the edge.

What’s the most dangerous type of alcohol?

Scotch.

It’s very whiskey.

The most dangerous place in the world is Gunpoint.

I'm always hearing about it in the news, robbed or kidnapped at Gunpoint. Crazy.

Who was the most dangerous president?

Ronald Ray-gun

What is the most dangerous place to be after dark

A paper mill because you will get beat up to a pulp.

What’s the most dangerous part of a car?

The nut that holds the steering wheel.

What is the most dangerous vegetable?

Bruce Leek.

Who is the most dangerous person to gamble with?

A beef rancher because they always raise the steaks

What's the most dangerous job in Northern Ireland?

Valet.

Apparently scarves are the most dangerous form of winter clothing.

The least dangerous are sweater vests. They’re completely armless

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the most dangerous race in the world?

The Dakar Rally, you racist motherfuckers.

A man had the most dangerous spider in the world, a Brown Recluse, stuck in his keyboard.

He called his wife about it.

"Hey honey, I have a venomous spider in my house!" He said.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" His wife asked.

"Yes, I have it under CTRL."

What is the most dangerous animal in the world?

A sneezing bat!

What is the most dangerous thing that can happen in the kitchen?

A counter-attack.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a rancher, I'm here to tell you that constipated male cows are THE most dangerous...

...no bullshit.

What's the most dangerous, predominantly black area known to man?

Space

Women's hockey is the most dangerous sport...

Twelve women, three periods each.

The most dangerous thing about the World Cup being held in Russia

is ensuring the Kremlin doesn't eat after midnight

What's the most dangerous part about Scrabble

It's all fun and games until someone loses an I

Earth is the most dangerous planet

100% of humans die there

Beds are the most dangerous items in the world

99% of people die on them!

What's the most dangerous Caribbean food?

Ricin peas.

Who does Matthew McConaughey say is the most dangerous group in America?

Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right

Where is the most dangerous place to swim?

Hepatitis C.

Dogs that don't bark are the most dangerous of all

They're woofless

What's the most dangerous place in Washington D.C.?

Between a politician and a news camera.

What's the most dangerous thing about Steven Seagal?

his Cholesterol level

A CIA Agent, KGB spy and AISE operative were sent to infiltrate a terrorist cell.

The terrorists figured out the three were infiltrators and thus captured them.

The terrorists decided to torture the three infiltrators. They started with the CIA agent.

“Do not worry, for I have been trained in the United State’s most insidious enhanced interrogation techniques and h...

[long] Grandpa tells his stories of his time in the war

Susie's fifth-grade class was studying history, and she got permission to bring her grandfather in to class so they could hear his stories of being a wartime fighter pilot over Germany.

"We were the best fighter squad, given all the most dangerous missions," he told them. "Once, Jerry caught ...

a joke i thought of today, hope you enjoy

What's the most dangerous part of any church/chapel?
Pew! Pew! Pew!

Three friends, a turtle, a mole and a bear are drafted and have to join the army.

But neither of them want to go, so they need to provide medical proof why they can’t join.

“It’s easy for me”, says the turtle “I am slow.”He enters the examination room and when he comes out, he happily tells his friend that he is in fact too slow.

“Well”, says the mole next, “I am ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, in the Wild West….

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and
tough he was, and the owner of the ...

From the FBIs Most Wanted List....

Two men have become the most dangerous in America!

Dunning and Krueger!

The Cool Clam Club

Deep beneath the ocean there is an exclusive club known for only having the coolest of clams in their midst. This was called the Cool Clam Club.


Now, the Cool Clam Club was known across the seven seas as one of the most prestigious clubs known to seakind due to the fact that their initia...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Big Chief was suffering from constipation for over a week...

He hadn't laid a log in what felt like forever and this caused him great frustration, pain and discomfort. In great desperation, he decides to visit the tribe's witch doctor in the hope of finally loosening his bowels.

The witch doctor let's him in and says "Hey there Big Chief, to what do I ...

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa .

'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.

High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in...

Why do baboons have big red balls?

So they can hide in apple trees.

What's the most dangerous job in Africa?

Picking apples.

My alarm system kept breaking down

The alarm system kept breaking down so, instead of repairing it I decided to get a guard dog instead.

I went to the pet store and the shopkeeper showed me a lot of breeds to choose from. A Rottweiler, a German Shepherd, A Doberman, but there was this one tiny little pug that caught my eye. I...

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