UPJOKE

The Lighthouse Jokes

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The billionaire and the mermaid whisperer

A billionaire is sailing his yacht past a lighthouse, and he sees the elderly lighthouse keeper out on the rocks at the base of the lighthouse, getting a blowjob from a mermaid - the top half was a stunning, curvy redhead, and the bottom half was a tiger shark. As he watches, the pair finish the act...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A backpacker is in the Scottish Highlands, when he comes upon a bar in a seaside village.

He decides to go into the bar. There is one other person there, an old, burly man.

"Yer see this bar here? I built this bar with my bare hands, chopped the finest wood in the county, with the finest nails, but do they call me McGregor the bar builder? No."

*points out the window*
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man is talking to his granddaughter.

They are sitting on a bench overlooking the town.

The old man says, "You see that lighthouse? I laid every brick that's there today, but they don't call me The Lighthouse Builder"

" You see that dock?", he says to the girl," I put down every post holding it up right now, even in the ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man at a bar

A young man was walking through the Irish countryside when he saw a bar and decided to go in and have a beer.

He got in and sat down next to an old man and ordered a beer.

The old man turns to him and says, "Son, do you know who I am?"
The young man says, "No, who are you?"
"My n...

Two blonds are trick-or-treating.

The first blonde looks up then at the second and says “The lights are off. I don’t think they are home.”
The second blond looks up then at the first and says “The lights are to on. Don’t try to trick me like that.”
The first blond again looks up and back down to again say the lights are off. <...

An admiral is sailing a ship...

and ahead of him, spots an incoming light. He radios the light, commanding, "Turn 10 degrees South to avoid a collision course." The radio squawked, "No, you are to turn 10 degrees South." This exchange happens about 3 or 4 more times until finally, the admiral yells into the radio, saying, "Do you ...

The Captain of an American Airliner receives a message from a few miles ahead...

The Captain of an American Aircraft Carrier is sailing his ship through a deep fog, so much that he can barely see anything. They are moving slowly, and all crew members are instructed to be on high alert, ready to act at a moment's notice. Suddenly, he receives a call from something just a few mile...

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