UPJOKE

The Left Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the left leg say to the right leg ?

Don’t talk to the leg in the middle because he’s a dick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek?

If we stick together we can stop all this shit!

You're being chased by a Lion, you're on a horse to the left of you is a Giraffe and on the right a unicorn what do you do?

You stop drinking and get off the Carousel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the right buttcheek say to the left?

It's amazing that we're still together. Even after all the shit we've been through

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Beyoncé sing "to the left, to the left"?

Because black people don't have rights.

When rowing a boat, do you use the left paddle or the right paddle?

Either oar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are male bathrooms on the left, and female bathrooms on the right?

Because no matter what, women are always right, even when they're full of shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The world's two worst golfers are playing golf. The first one hits it all the way to the left. The second one hits it all the way to the right. The first guy goes to pick up his ball and sees that it hit a buttercup. Suddenly, Mother Nature pops up out of the ground in all her glory...

Mother Nature says "You, you horrible golfer! You hit a buttercup! One of nature's most beautiful creations. As punishment, you can never have butter again!"

The golfer is obviously upset by this and he turns away so Mother Nature won't see. Suddenly, he starts laughing.

"What's so fu...

What did the left breast say to the right breast?

We've got to get some support, or they're going to think we are nuts.

I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though.

He said "Alright, I'll write all right."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. “But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.

“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.”


“But the right leg is way too short,” argued the customer.


“No problem,” the sales clerk answere...

Move to the left!

"A pastor announced, "If you know your wife is controlling you, move to the left".

All the men in the church moved to the left except one man.

The pastor was happy there was at least one strong man, and asked," How come your wife can't control you?"

The man quietly replied, "It...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two tampons are walking on the pavement, which one talks first? The right one? Or the left one?

Neither, they're both stuck up cunts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the left pussy lip say to the right pussy lip ?

We used to be tight before we let some dick get between us.

Why are smart watches worn on the left hand?

If they were worn on the right hand guys would have had 3 times more steps than girls

I'm so sick of all the right vs left BS! it's all 'the left are so evil all they do is ..' or 'the right is so evil all they care about is ..'

First off, it's divisive and bringing out the worst in people. Completely ruining the country. Secondly, who the hell really judges people based solely on which Twix they prefer?!

What do you call a spider that has its left legs on the right side and right legs on the left side

A daddy wrong legs

My friend had the left side of his body torn off in a car accident

But he's all right now.

Don't trust the left-handers

Something's not right about them.

Why is Beyonce always singing about going "To the left"?

Because women have no rights.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the left ball say to the right ball?

Between ye and me, something's pissing me off.

I gently slid her panties to the left...

So that I could fit the rest of the socks in the drawer

Why does Beyonce sing "to the left, to the left"?

Because women have no rights.

*Sorry of this is rude/offensive and if its a repost, I just wanted to share.*

Did you know North Korea's military marches to the left?

They have no rights

I only eat the Left Twix...

1st I eat the one on the left, then the one that is left.

My family was furious at me for not worrying about my cousin who got the left side of his body crushed by a boulder.

I knew he’d be all right.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Doctor tells the 90 Year Old Man that he needs a semen sample. "Bring back the specimen tomorrow."

The next day the old man comes back with the jar in hand. It's as clean and empty as it was the previous day.
"Did you have a little trouble?" asked the doctor.
A pause, then he says, "When I got home I tried, you know? First, with the right hand. Next, with the left hand. Nothing. That I ask...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was pooping when gravity shifted to the left

Shit went sideways

Tips to reduce weight… First turn your head to the right and then to the left.

Repeat this exercise whenever your offered something to eat!

There was once, in a small town, a man named Don.

One day Don was walking on top of a fence, and he slipped. When he slipped, the fence split him in half, right up the middle, but miraculously, each half of Don survived! Each half got up, started hopping away, and essentially started living separate lives.

The left half, more prone to rati...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.