UPJOKE

The Intern Jokes

With the international mathematics conference in town, the bars around the convention center were hopping.

As was her custom, the evening manager was going from table to table greeting her guests. When she got to the first table, there were eight mathematicians seated. Strange, she thought, since there were only six seats, but some of them were getting a bit frisky and were sitting on others' laps.
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I was standing at the bar of Terminal 3 in the International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer

I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?" 

He says "No, why the f\*\*k would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?" 

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little prick."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor, while on rounds at the hospital, notices an intern looking at him strangely.

The intern says, "Doctor, you have a thermometer tucked behind your ear." The doctor pulled the thermometer from behind his ear, looked at it and exclaimed, "Damn it, some asshole's got my pencil!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service.

A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day in...

Why did the intern become an elevator repairman?

Because he didn't want to spend years climbing the corporate ladder.

What's the internal temperature of a tauntaun?

Luke Warm.

May the 4th Be With You!

/r/Jokes won the International Green Awards!

96% recycled content.

Does the International House of Pancakes answer to the United Nations or is it the other way around?

Serious answers only. I'm studying for my AP World History final.

Star Wars Trivia: What is the internal Temperature of a TaunTaun?

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Luke-Warm

Did you hear about the International women’s day sale on steam?

Everything was 70 cents on the dollar.

Have you heard of the international bathroom?

When you go there, you're Russian.
Once there, European.

At the the end, you're Finnish.

What happened to the intern electrician after accidentally shocking himself bc he forgot to wear PPE?

He was grounded.

The Trump administration is like the International Space Station

They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there

Keeping with the spirit of all the international jokes, I present one of my favorite Ukrainian ones.

A Ukrainian man and a Russian man are out fishing when suddenly the Russian reels in a golden fish.
The fish looks at the men and says "Congratulations! You have caught me and know I shall grant you both three wishes."
The fish turns to the Russian man and says "Since you are the one who r...

Workers at the International Earth Rotation Service have gone on strike.

This is going to be a long day.

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Bill Clinton is showing a new female intern around the White House

They finally reach the doors of the oval office and Bill asks her, "Want to go into the oval office and see the presidential clock?"

The intern, hesitating, says, "Well, Mr. President, seeing all the stuff that has been happening with you, I don't know if that is a good idea or not."

B...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital he is working in.

The intern walks past a room where a man is vigorously
masturbating nonstop. The intern asks the doctor giving the tour
why that man was doing such a thing out in the open.

The doctor says:"Oh, he has a medical condition where sperm builds up so quickly in his body, he has to masturbate...

The organisers of the International Chilli Growers Trade Show put up a fairground as entertainment —

The ChilliCon Carney

What do visitors to the International Space Station have to do before boarding?

Pay the parking meteor.

Why has no electrician ever gone to the International Space Station?

They don't think it's safe. None of the wiring runs to ground.

An intern proudly greets his boss as she walks in the office...

"I took the pleasure of getting here early and doing a few tasks to help your day go smoother. I even pruned the ivy hanging on your wall."
She glared at him and stormed into her office and sure enough, almost half of the plant's leaves were in the garbage leaving the poor ivy looking pathetic. "...

The international recognition of Jewish sovereignty is so bad...

...that they have to name their country "It's real" to remind everyone that it exists.

What did Palpatine say to the intern when they asked how many pizzas they needed for his birthday party?

"Order 66!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young intern working in a morgue goes to the older coroner with a startling discovery.

"This is gonna sound weird, but the drowning victim that just came in has a umm...shrimp sticking out of her vagina."

The coroner smiles and explains to him that it's likely her clitoris, since with drowning victims, it can often become swollen and take on a strange appearance..

"Funny...

I read a book on the International Space Station.

I couldn’t put it down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The International Synesthesia Conference

I bumped into my friend at the International Synesthesia Conference. All he could talk about was this amazing bakery he passed on his way to the event.

"The smells! They were... magnificent... orgasmic!" he exclaimed. "Let's step up to the roof! I bet we could smell it from here!"

Aft...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man, called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

“Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper,” the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question but got the opposite advice.

“Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.”

Confused, the man went to his priest, told him o...

The International Flat Earth Society Annual Conference was going to be held on Zoom this year.

Unfortunately they all agreed on the same start time.

Do you know what the internal temperature of a tauntaun is?

Luke warm

Seemed appropriate with all the Hoth stuff floating around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A new intern is accompanying an experienced physician on rounds at the Clinic For Sexual Dysfunction.

As they look into the first room, the patient is furiously masturbating and looks very uncomfortable.

The intern asks, what’s wrong with that poor guy?

The doctor replies, “He suffers from extreme semen backup disorder. If he doesn’t ejaculate every three hours, he could die.”
...

A first place winner at the International Pun Contest

A woman has identical twins and is forced to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells he...

Why are there so many fat astronauts on the International Space Station?

Because the food is out of this world.

The leaders of Russia, North Korea and the United States fly up to the international space station...

Upon their arrival, they all marvel at the view of the earth from such magnificent heights. They begin to toss around ideas of ways they could all benefit from the ISS.

The Russian leader talks about all of the opportunities to use imaging to spy on people from outerspace. The other leaders ...

Why did the cow jump over the International Space Station?

The decline in our rocketry capability means it couldn't jump over the Moon.

Say what you will about Trump, but in the end, he kept the promise he made in 2016 about restoring respect for America in the international community.

All he had to do was lose in 2020.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever heard of the international feline butt scratching award? .

I hear it's a catastrophe

These days, iron and steel are traded on the international commodity market, and if you need some, you just need to contact a trader.

Formerly, if you wanted iron or steel, you would need to go to an ironworks or even a blacksmith's and negotiate directly with the men who made it.

Whoever smelted, dealt it.

Astronaut Anne McClain was accused of identity theft and accessing private finance records while onboard the International Space Station....

I'm not sure what the gravity of situation is, but how off earth did she find the space to pull that off.

The International League of Bakers is inviting countries which mainly export baked goods to join.

They're accepting dough nations.

NASA had a supply of rib eye on the last flight to the international space station to see how meat cooked in space. They called it their most important mission.

Because the steaks were never higher.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the so...

An artist found a way to draw a two-sided figure, but the International Geometry Summit immediately began to furiously contest the new shape...

I say, let bi-gons be bi-gons

A madhouse was to be demolished.

All the interns were to be transported to a new mental asylum. So they loaded a truck with all the patients that reside there, as well as some of the psychiatric staff to maintain the order, but in the middle of the way to the madmen's new home, there was a violent accident that resulted in the cras...

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the youn...

A geneticist makes a breakthrough, enabling him to create a cross-breed of any two living organisms

He sets up his own lab and hires an intern to help him out. After explaining to the intern what the technology is capable of the intern is amazed and asks: "So you can really create a cross between ANY two living beings?"


The geneticist replies, "Yes, but I advise you to exercise cautio...

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