UPJOKE

The Hulk Jokes

I don’t know why marvel hasn’t tried to advertise on the hulk.

He’s a giant banner after all.

Why doesn't Bruce Banners pants rip when he transforms into the Hulk?

Because the radiation altered his jeans

Descartes becoming The Hulk:

Don't make me think. You wouldn't like me when I am.

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The hulk is the only bisexual marvel character

He smashes everything

When the Hulk goes into an uncontrollable fit of rage he's "incredible"

When I do it I'm an "alcoholic"

How does the Hulk make extra money?

He flips cars.

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Why was the Hulk charged with sexual harassment at Burger King?

He asked them to hold the pickle.

(Pickup line) What has 32 teeth and holds back the hulk.

My zipper

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Did you hear about The Incredible Hulk taking Viagra!?

NSFW:

I figure, since the same jokes are on repeat in this Reddit, again and again, I would throw out a freshly created one.

Apparently, now that the Hulk has been taking Viagra, his catch phrase has become:

"Don't make me horny. You wouldn't like me when I'm horny", whe...

If The Hulk took over for Captain America...

Would he be a Star Spangled Banner?

How does the Hulk look in a suit?

*Smashing.*

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Steve Rogers: Bruce, aren't you worried about getting cancer from the Hulk's radiation?

Bruce Banner: That's my secret, Cap. *pulls out a horoscope* I'm already a Cancer.

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PS: I know, Bruce Banner is actually a Sagittarius. Don't @ me, bro.

So I hear the Hulk's believing in Muhammad nowadays...

Now he's gone from "Hulk Smash" to "I Slam".

What does The Hulk say when someone tries to steal his mashed potatoes?

HULKS MASH!!

What do you call the Hulk's potatoes?

HULK'S MASH!

Why is the Hulk a bad journalist?

He is not credible

When the Son of Odin beat on the Hulk with Mjonir...

It didn't actually hurt me too bad, the Hulk thought. Especially when the God of Thunder hit him in the back, it was rather like a Swedish massage. So the Hulk let Odinsson whale away. Why did he do this?


Because he was Thor.

What common enemy do the Hulk and Kung Fu Panda share?

>!stairs!<

How come the hulk always gets his food first?

They don't want him to be hangry.

What did the Hulk say when he first saw Wonder Woman?

Hulk Smash!

Captain America, The Hulk, Thor, and Iron Man all get Lego sets for Christmas.

"Avengers, assemble!"

What do the Avengers call it when they win a fight without the Hulk?

A Banner Day!

Apparently The Hulk's blind date went well.

I asked him about it today and he just said "Hulk Smash."

My kids love The Hulk so I painted myself green for my son’s birthday party.

Man were they excited to meet Shrek.

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What do they call the Hulk when he has an erection?

Bruce Boner.

What's one thing the Hulk would struggle tearing down?

The fourth wall

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Tony ambled into a bar, and noticed a bucket behind the counter filled to the brim with cash. "Is there a contest on to win that dough?" Tony asked the bartender. "Yep," the barkeep responded, "It costs $50 to enter, and then you have to do three things:

First you've got to knock out Spike, our 300-pound bouncer. Then we've got a pit bull out back with an abscessed tooth, and it's up to you to yank it out. Finally, the 90-year old lady who owns this place is upstairs. If you can give her a multiple-orgasm, all the money's yours."
Tony was up for ...

My 8 year old told me a really clever joke for once.

What do you get when you cross Captain America and the Hulk?

A Star-Spangled Banner.

Yo mamma so ugly...

she couldn't even get The Hulk to smash!

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An accountant found guilty of embezzlement was thrown into a cell with a large, hairy intimidating man

The small accountant had heard stories about how he was going to become the victim in this rough prison to which he had been sentenced. He looked up at the very hairy, sweaty, cell mate and slightly trembled.

The accountant was slightly heartened when the hulking man before him asked, "So, do...

What do you have if you've got a green ball in each hand?

The Hulk's undivided attention.

Thuperheroeth

A guy was walking down the street when he glanced down an alley and saw that it was almost entirely demolished. In the center of the rubble laid a man with all his teeth missing and blood pouring from his mouth.

The bystander ran up to the injured man. "What happened?"

"Well, I wath ...

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My 12 year old nephew told me this joke..

I have a green ball in my left hand and a green ball in my right hand.. What else do I have?

The hulk's dick in my mouth!

Cracked me up, he's really posh so was totally unexpected!

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Sex & Superheroes

It's annual superheroes new year's party. Batman and Spiderman are chatting.

All of a sudden the Hulk rushes in all red and perplexed.

"Whats up?" asked Batman.

"Well I was upstairs looking for the toilet and I passed the bedroom and saw Wonder Women naked on the bed and moan...

Success

A guy finds a strange cave entrance in the wilderness. Because curiousity's only hazardous to cats he walks in.

He sees a gorgeous woman inside. The woman lets her single-piece dress fall and says: "Take me or climb higher to success" pointing at the stairs carved from the stone behind her....

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A guy goes in to work and his whole hand is shattered.

His boss looks at him and says “My goodness! What did you do?”

“I fist bumped my buddy on Saturday.” The man replied.

The boss looked at him and asked “Who’s your buddy? The Hulk?”

To which the man explained, “No his name is Larry but he was driving past me when we did it.”

Mark Ruffalo Went into a Job Interview

The interviewer asked "What's your strong suit?"

"Oh, you know, the Hulk costume."

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Superhero Nude Beach

Before I write the joke, I wanted to give credit to who it came from. I worked as a reporter very briefly, and we had an older fella that would always tell us one joke a day. He was a great guy and I just wanted to pass on one of his jokes that always stood out to me, so here it is.

If you we...

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The Tale of Kevin Bopper

Back in high school there was this kid named Kevin Bopper. He was... strange, to say the least. He was that quiet kid with long, greasy, dandruff-ridden hair, a face full of acne, and wore a leather jacket- you know the type. The thing that made him stand out, however, was his weird fixation on traf...

A joke my Cousin told to me when I was 5, that I rewrote one day. The Rabi and the Trids (WARNING: LONG)

This is the story of a Rabbi named Steven. Steven was lost in the mountains of Bolivia one day. He had embarked from Lima weeks ago, but his translator had taken a rather nasty tumble and was no longer with him. But the Rabbi continued. He walked forward and up, perhaps being guided by a higher forc...

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