UPJOKE

The History Of Jokes

My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.

Now we call him Dr. Awkward.

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

Reading a great book at the moment called 'The History of Glue'

I just cant put it down.

I just finished reading a book about the history of WD-40.

It was non friction.

A book on the history of clocks has finally been released

It's about time

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The history of the middle finger

I never knew this before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory ov...

I just watched a documentary on the history of hospital gurneys

It was very moving.

A kid in my school did a project on the history of rocket science.

It was a blast to the past

What did the teacher do with her students reports on the history of cheese?

She graded them

I recently read an article about the history of spices used in curry...

It was a cumin interest story.

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A Native American chief was teaching his son the history of their tribe.

“Father, how do we get our names?” asked the boy.

“Well son, you see, in our culture we are named in honor of the first ‘spirited ones’ our mothers see when the child is delivered.” explained the Chief.

“My father, Soaring Eagle was named for the great bald eagle that circled outside ...

What is the best cheese in the history of the world?

GOAT cheese

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The History Of Copper Wire

Do you know how copper wire was made?

Two Jews fighting over a penny.

I have a fondness for "technically true" jokes, like these:

Did you know that the average person has an above-average number of legs? After all, most people have two legs, while a few have none.


Did you know that if you shuffle a deck of cards, the resulting order has likely never existed before in the history of the universe?



Eve...

Today I learned the history of the word noodles

Back in ancient Asian territory, they created a food product. They chose to trade it with the Western world. When asked what they called this food, they realised they didn't have a name for it yet. It was a great food that always ended with empty bowls, so they decided to take the English words 'nau...

I just started a short book on the history of luminance.

It's a little light reading.

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I've been reading a very brief book on the history of Japanese warrior traditions.

It been heavily Samuraised.

The history of MANKIND is just as mysterious as the word itself.

MANKIND is made up of two words, MANK and IND. What do these two words mean? We will never know.

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An attractive woman was reading The History of Penises on the bus the other day...

... I struck up a conversations opening with "That seems interesting"

She responds: "It really is! Did you know that Native Americans have the longest penises in the world? And Poles the girthiest!"

She extends her hand, I grab it and say... "Tonto Polanski, pleasure to meet you"

What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?

Climax.

Do you guys know the history of the holiday of 5th of May?

¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯

I completely regret taking a class on the history of soda

Every quiz we've had has been a pop quiz

My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.

He's really good, knows his stuff forwards and backwards.

I’m making a documentary on the history of female menstruation...

It’s a period piece.

A documentary about the history of the computer desktop was recently given an R rating...

Turns out every icon was a little graphic.

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Where can you go to learn about the history of masturbation?

The “whacks” museum

As an entomologist, people are always asking me about the history of words...

It really bugs me.

My grandpa destroyed 12 German planes during WW2.

He was, without a doubt, the worst mechanic in the history of Luftwaffe

I accidentally ripped up my homework assignment about the history of perforated paper.

It was tearable.

My favorite Jewish joke in the history of the world.

A young American computer expert read some books on the early Zionists who came to Israel and worked hard just to develop a bit of farm land. They gave of their sweat and toil so that there should be a fertile country for us. He was impressed with their unselfish toil and decided to immigrate to Isr...

What do you call a condensed version of the history of ISIS?

What do you call a condensed version of the history of ISIS?

CaliphNotes!

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his classmates were sitting in music class when their teacher announced they would be putting on a play about the history of classical music.

She explained “Each one of you will select a different classical composer to play on stage. Arnold, you get to pick first.”

Everyone turned to look at Arnold and the room got quiet. Arnold stared intently at the teacher and made his decision known.

“I’ll be Bach.”

I am writing a book about the history of camping.

It’s all in past tents.

Throughout the history of espionage, the phrase "We have ways of making you talk."

Has yet to be used on a woman.

There was a man who believed that he could cook the best meal ever existed in the history of kitchen culture, and he wanted to show his dish to the most talented an known chefs from all around the world

He invited all the top chefs of the world that he could reach to and organized a nice evening where he would cook and serve his special course. After the chefs came, he went to the kitchen and began cooking. Even though the chefs insisted, he didn't let anyone in and mysteriously prepared his dish.<...

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A nun is praying in her convent in rural Ireland when there is a sudden bang and a cloud of green smoke

When the smoke clears she sees two honest to goodness leprechauns standing in front of her, looking just like the legends said they looked. Fine green clothes, top hats, red mutton chops and standing about two feet tall. One stares at his feet sheepishly. The more confident one speaks

"Top ...

A rich businessman is dying and his friend comes for a last visit.

"Fred...", whispers the businessman, "I have to tell you something..."

"What is it, John? You can tell me everything.", says Fred.

"You know, that trade we were making with the Italians, the package we were delivering; Fred, I didn't deliver it, I kept it for myself... I kept 500 dolla...

A guy goes into a restaurant for lunch.

After careful consideration, he decides he will have a bowl of the day's soup. The waiter praises him for his decision.

"Ah, excellent choice. The chef makes the soup fresh each day from only the freshest, locally-sourced ingredients. It is completely organic, and there are no additives or pr...

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