UPJOKE

The Higher Jokes

TIL The higher you drop a piano, the higher the note that plays when the piano hits the ground

For example, drop it all the way down a mine shaft and it'll hit A minor

They say the more you drink, the higher is your tolerance.

Not true. My grandpa is an alcoholic, yet extremely racist.

The higher ups don't want you to know this

The ducks at the park are free.

The wage gap isn't real.

Men simply focus on getting the higher paying jobs like scientist, doctor, engineer. Meanwhile, women tend to go towards the lower paying jobs, like female scientist, female doctor and female engineer.

It’s true women do make less money than men

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common?

The higher they are, the more spaced out they get

The restaurant I work at has a lot of short girls who can't reach the higher up shelves and constantly ask for help.

I guess you could say we're frequently short-staffed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sports of Choice

The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

The sport of choice for m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Sex Shop Fatality.

A man walks into a sex shop to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home. He presents it to his wife and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the king and his cheating queen

A king who had been very busy conquering lands and staying out of his castle, returned home after a couple of years on the battlefield.

He received news that his wife or the queen had been cheating on him with the generals and several other higher-ups. In order to find out who was involved i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

My math teacher told me that I won't amount to anything because I smoke weed...

But my physics teacher says the higher you are, the larger your potential!

Heaven or Hell

While walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator (that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St.. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom ...

How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?

You start with the higher R key.

Why I didn't get the job...

I applied for an executive position at a major corporation. They called me in for an interview with the board of directors, and it went pretty well. The next day I got a call... it was the vice president on the line!

"Listen, sir", he told me, "you left me very impressed yesterday. But the...

Why are all engineers atheist?

They neglect the higher order.

Did you hear the joke about Net Neutrality?

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