UPJOKE

The Hardest Jokes

What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right

This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable.

He’s explaining Facebook to old people.

What's the hardest part when your ex tells you she is HIV positive

Trying to act surprised.

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What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

What is the hardest thing to chew while eating a vegetable?

The wheelchair

Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve?

All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.

What's the hardest part of being a vegan?

Waking up at 4.30 am to milk the almonds.

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

Recently someone asked me what’s the hardest thing I’ve done in college.

I answered “contemplate suicide”. I saw they weren’t laughing so I quickly corrected and said “about 9 inches”. Needless to say my mother didn’t appreciate that answer either.

Taking my mother-in-law off her life support was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I had to fight my wife, two doctors, and a nurse to finally do it.

The first four letters of the alphabet are the hardest.

The rest are e-z.

What’s the hardest cult to join?

A difficult.

What do you have after the hardest class in school?

The aftermath.

What's the hardest part about reading a Veterinarian book?

Putting it down

Which tea is the hardest to swallow?

Reality

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The hardest thing about being bisexual

Is trying to remember if I’m suppose to have sex twice a week, or once every two weeks.

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what's the hardest part about having sex with a monkey?

training it to suck your dick without peeling it

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What's the hardest part of being an anti-vax parent?

Scraping those stick family decals off your rear window.

What is the hardest thing to take in a robbery?

Scissors..... Because you can't run away!

I recently joined a nudist colony

The first few days were the hardest.

Whats the hardest thing about rollerblading?

The floor

What is the hardest way to lose 6-14 pounds?

Having a baby!

Happy Mother's Day!

People say the first year of marriage is the hardest

Trust me, the last year is way, way harder.

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NSFW what's the hardest part of fucking a vegetable?

Putting her back in her wheelchair

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What is the hardest part of rollerblading?

Telling your parents you're gay.

It is said regarding motivation that “the first step is always the hardest”…

As someone with plantar fasciitis, I could not agree more.

Which is the hardest for you to say?

Which is the hardest for you to say?

1. I love you

2. I was wrong

3. I am sorry

4. I need help

5. Worcestershire Sauce

6. I appreciate you

What is the hardest part about cooking vegetables?

Getting the wheelchair in the oven.

Which mythical creature has the hardest time reproducing?

A Unic- horn.

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What’s the hardest part about having sex with a clown?

Cleaning the grease paint off your back

Please tag this nsfw I forgot how to.

What’s the hardest food to stop eating?

Cold turkey

What’s the hardest working profession?

Morticians - after they die, they go back to work one last time!

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The hardest thing about being a pedophile

Is trying to fit in

The hardest part of measuring Trump's package..

Is sneaking a ruler into Chris Christie's mouth

A sports store is showing off their new punching bags by having a contest to see who can hit them the hardest.

While everyone is waiting for their turn, St. Peter turns to a drunk and says, "I think I'm in the wrong joke."

The drunk replies, "Nope. Just the wrong punch line."

We all know that punching bag arcade game where you try to punch the bag the hardest.

So, I was standing in line to take my turn at the game. When I suddenly realized what a douche I am, putting myself in the punchline of my own joke.

What's the hardest part about eating a clock?

It's time consuming.

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Changing diapers is the hardest part about having kids

You can't half ass it.

What is the hardest word for a stutterer to say?

I'm gonna guess... "Nicaragua."

The hardest part about my grandmothers death?

Making it look like an accident.

the hardest part about hitting a child in public...

is avoiding getting caught by their parent's.

The hardest part of dying....

Is Rigor Mortis

The hardest part of making skimmed milk

Is throwing the cows across a lake

What Is The Hardest Job In The World?

Sketching For Police Officers In China

What’s the hardest thing about being a vegan that CrossFits?

Trying to decide which one to tell people about first.

What's the hardest part of maintaining a relationship while being a necrophile?

No matter how hard you try, it all just falls apart

I got turned into an egg once. You know what the hardest part was?

The shell

Two pieces or tarmac are in a bar arguing about who's the hardest

A red piece of tarmac then enters the bar and the two other pieces shut right up and start minding their own business. After the bartender serves the red piece of tarmac a drink and it takes a seat he turns to the other two and asks "what was up with you two? I thought you were supposed to be dead h...

Do you know what the hardest thing about having a 10 second memory is?

I don't know, but do you know what the hardest thing about having a 10 second memory is?

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What's the hardest part about getting a call from an old sexual partner and them telling you that they have HIV.

Acting surprised.

What’s the hardest thing about doing nothing?

Knowing when you’re done.

What's the hardest part of a new year?

Remembering to change dates before you repost.

What’s the hardest thing for an alcoholic law student to do?

Pass the bar

I read online that English is one of the hardest languages to learn...

Their's know weigh thats' write!

I’m jealous of my dad, he finished the hardest game before me

RIP dad

What is the hardest thing about being in Hypochondriacs Anonymous?

Admitting that you don’t have a problem.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] My girlfriend asked me what the hardest thing I had to deal with growing was....

My dad's cock.

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