The Flock Jokes

Iran, so far away.

Not enough Ram.

It was a murder most foul.

Because they were afraid to fly United.

He stopped by a flock of seagulls sitting on the grass verge next to a pond trying to snap up some worms from the mud. One of the seagulls drops a worm and shouts "oh for god sake".

The man is intrigued that it can talk so he goes and asks it where it's from. "I'm from around London but I tr... read more

Have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible..

The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.

The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.
... read more

A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.

"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep... read more

As she was driving down some country road she notices a shepherd with his flock. She stops the car and approaches. "Excuse me sir." she says "If I guess how many sheep are in your flock can I have one?" Shepherd thinks it over and thinks she'll never get the number right, as it was a decent sized fl... read more

So she cut her hair short and dyed it black. Bought a snazzy convertible and went driving through the countryside.
On a back country road, she drove up to a large flock of sheep that were slowly crossing the road. As she sat there watching the flock she saw the farmer standing there.
She said ... read more

After a short while of stomping aroiund in the woods, they come across some ducks. Kim turns to his Minister of the Interior.

"Shoot the ducks!" he orders.

The Minister of the Interior raises his shotgun, aims, fires, and misses all the ducks.

Kim stares at him. The ducks start ... read more

After some time, he saw that the flocks and herds were regaining their numbers, but he came across a pair of snakes who had laid no eggs, and were just laying about.

"Why have you not multiplied?" he asked.

To which the snakes responded, "we can't, we're adders."


Noah being ... read more

Get the flock out of here!

Well I was working on my sheep farm. We had just sheared the flock and spun the wool into yarn. As I was dying one skein of yarn green, a lamb wandered over and fell into the tub of dye. By the time I rescued the poor thing, he'd already managed to turn himself completely green.

Well, a littl... read more

At the end of the day, after his dog had herded the flock into the pen, the shepherd asked his canine friend to confirm how many sheep were in.

"40," the dog barked.

"40? I counted 37."

"Yes," replied the dog, "I rounded them up."

I’m freezing! Let’s get the flock out of here!

A farmer’s rooster passed away so he went to a neighboring farm to get another one. Speaking to the other farmer - He watches the flock and sees a rooster running all over the place screwing every chicken he can get a hold of. The farmer says “ I think I’ll take that one.” The other farmer says “Oh,... read more

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the ... read more

A dumb blond was tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
“Oh! Those she... read more

...his neighbor told him to hurry and get the flock out.

"Let's get the flock out of here"

So sick of hearing blonde jokes, a blonde cut her long hair and dyed it brown.

The next day she drove out into the countryside where she came upon a flock of sheep crossing the road. Stopping her car to watch the fluffy flock, she called out to the shepherd, "Your sheep are so cute. If I gues... read more

... and the devil was bored.

He picked a nice quiet country side church and rolled up in a cloud of foul smoke and brimstone. Right in the middle of the sermon.

Screams all around as the flock run for their lives. All that is, except for the priest and a wizened old farmer chewing on ... read more

One day a NYC cabbie and a pastor reach the pearly gates at the same time. St. Peter welcomes them, informs them about heaven and tells them he will escort them to their accommodations.


They walk to the cabbies place first and it's a palace, massive, with turrents and towers and 100 help... read more

The Chieftain tells the missionary, “word has reached me that a white baby has been born down the road a ways, and there is not a single other white man within a thousand miles,”
The missionary thinks on it for a second, then turns to look out the window. He responds to the Chieftain, “you must ... read more

So the cowboy goes out to seek his fortune on the frontier of the old West.

He finally settles on a ranching town near the very edge of civilization.

So near, in fact, that there aren't any women to be found for love nor

money. Well, he's young and full of hormones, and after a ... read more

One must shut the flock up

...when suddenly one of them goes running off.  The shepherd goes looking for it and after the entire day of frolicking, the sheep comes up to the shepherd and says "I'm ready to go back with the sheep now".  And so the shepherd takes her back to the sheep.

The next day the same thing happens... read more

A cowboy shows up the morning of his first cattle drive. He notices a small flock of sheep with the cattle but thinks nothing of it. After a few weeks on the trail, he was watching the herd one night when he notices a drover go to the flock of sheep, pick one out, and take it over a hill. He brought... read more