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The End Is Near Jokes

The end is near

Every time a little boy went to his friend's house, he found the that his grandmother was always deeply engrossed in her Bible. Finally his curiosity got the better of him.

“Why does your grandmother read the Bible so much?” he asked.

“I don't know,” said his friend, “but I think she’s...

An old man lies on his deathbed. The end is near and family is gathering.

His memories run through his head as he lies alone while people talk in the other room. Sad things, joyful things. So many joyful memories. He thinks he smells his favorite cookies baking. Wait, the smell is real! His wife is making cookies, something she has not done for years!

He rall...

A rabbi, a priest, and an imam stand on the side of the road holding signs saying “the end is near”.

A truck drives by and the driver shouts “you dumb religious wackos”, makes the turn and drives off the cliff. The rabbi turns to the priest and imam and says “you think we should change our signs?”

the end is near

Lately, people have been making apocalypse jokes........
............................
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like there’s no tomorrow!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.

He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
· My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
· My daughter "Sybil, you ...

The end is near . . .

A local priest and deacon stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that read, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They held up the sign to each passing car.

“Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve ...

Every morning, my neighbor gets on his tractor, and starts yelling, “The End is near!”

I hate staying next to Farmer Geddon.

A pastor and a priest stood alongside the road with signs saying "The end is near!" And "Turn your ways before its too late!"

A man drove by and saw their signs and yelled out his window "You guys are nuts!!" And continued driving. A few moments later they heard the sound of screeching tires followed by a splash. The pastor looked at the priest and said, "Maybe this isn't the best way to let people know that the bridge col...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A crazy guy outside my work has been wearing a “The end is near!” sign every day for the last 2 months.

Fuckin’ false advertising.

My doctor told me to stop singing Frank Sinatra songs as it's bad for my health. But I just wouldn't listen.

And now the end is near.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two monks are setting up a sign in front of their monastery

The sign reads ”Beware! The End is near! Turn around now before it is too late!"

A car full of atheists drives by at full speed, and the atheists yell at the monks "Go fuck yourselves you lame ass religious nuts!"

Suddenly there's a sound of screeching tires, terrified screams and a sp...

A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.

They were wearing robes and sandals, had shaved heads and holding up signs.

One sign read "The End is Near!"

The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"

He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.

He sped off round the co...

A prist, a minister and a youth pastor are standing by the side of a road, holding up a sign.

The sign reads "The End Is Near! Turn Back Before It's Too Late!"

Well, along comes a redneck, driving a jacked-up pickup truck and swiggin' a Coors Lite.

He screeches to a halt before the three men of the cloth, surveys their sign for a moment, and bursts into uncontrollable guffaws....

Driving across the country, a man came upon a priest and a rabbi standing on the shoulder of the road, fishing.

Next to them was a sign that read "Turn around. The end is near." The driver didn't like to be preached to, so he rolled down the window and yelled, "Mind your own business, you religious nuts!"





A few seconds later the two men fishing heard tyres screech, then a splash.
Th...

A rabbi and a priest stand on the side of the road...

A rabbi and a priest are standing on the side of the road with a big sign next to them reading: "CAUTION: THE END IS NEAR."

A car drives by, and the driver yells, "Keep your religious babble to yourselves!" A few moments later he drives right off the end of the road into the river with a huge...

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