UPJOKE

The Deal Jokes

What's the deal with Orions belt?

Waste of space!

Bad joke? Okay okay

3 stars

What's the deal with marriage?

It's like "I do" quickly turns into "I don't get how you can eat cereal like that."

The Secret Deal

An original of mine. Excuse the grammar.

There once was a clan of hunter-gatherers dedicated to being self sufficient. They would ONLY ever hunt and gather. Absolutely no trading or sales of any kind was allowed in this clan. Being self sufficient was religion to them, and they hated the idea...

The AMC theater workers weren't very happy with the deal made to end their labor strike

They had to make a lot of concessions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the deal with 'adult toys'?

I mean they always refer to things you can shove up your asshole, but never like a big race car for grown ups!

Why was "Art of the Deal" so long?

It had six Chapter 11s.

What's the deal with airline food?

It's so plane.

What's the deal with Neil Young?

I mean the guy is born in 1945. That's retirement age. Shouldn't he start calling himself Neil Old by now?

What is the deal with strip club food?

It lacks dressing

After unsuccessfully trying to post here, I finally gave up and messaged the mods asking what the deal was. They sent me back pictures of flutes, trombones, trumpets, tubas and cymbals. Confused, I asked what that meant. They answered...

Your band!

So what's the deal with lampshades?

I mean if it's a lamp, why do you want shade ?

What's the deal with racism?

You're not running a race.

What's the deal with babies?

They're up in arms until they're up in arms!

The Art of the Deal

A poor city man is out in the streets attempting to sell something on President's Day. He goes up to a foreigner and says:

"Hey there! Are you looking for a rare portrait of Washington on his birthday? I can hook you up. It's even got the signature of the Secretary of the Treasury on it, so y...

What's the deal with wet paper?

It's so tearible

"What's the deal with the non-linear structure?", the bartender asks.

Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar.

What is the deal with Egyptian pharaohs and people that eat beans?

I hear they have a Tutankhamon

What's the deal with Net Neutrality?

(This post has been blocked by your service provider)

Trump's "The Art of the Deal"

This big country out there puts a huge bid for a major project.

The first country to respond is France:

\- *We will do it for U$ 1 million. $500k for materials and $500k for labor.*

Then Germany walks in:

*- Vee vill do it for U$2 million. $1M for materials and $1M for l...

What's the deal with Roman Catholics?

Why don't they just stay in one place?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is about to walk into a bar, when a num holding a sign that reads "alcohol is evil" stops him.

The nun tells him about the evils of alcohol, "alcohol is evil! Alcohol is the devils tool!

Then, the nun says something that really effected the man. "What would your parents think!" The man explains how both his parents have passed away, and how he's not sure what they would think.

T...

What’s the deal with Furries? Haters think there’s nothing wrong with drawing cats.

But oh, when the cat becomes a femboy it’s suddenly a problem.

What's the deal with scented candles?

If they work, they stink. If they don't work, they still stink.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got a seat on a flight on one of those real budget airlines earlier, the deal was first come, first serve for seats. I turned up super early and was just nodding off in my seat when a guy tapped me on the shoulder......

Him: Excuse me mate, this is my seat.

Me: No mate, first come first serve.

Him: Yeah, but this is 100% my seat.

Me: Look on the ticket pal, it says first come first serve, end of.

Him: Alright then, you fly the fucking thing.

What’s the deal with airline food?

Just because we’re high they think we’ll like it?

I don't get the deal with overprotective parents,

they clearly didn't use protection if they are parents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fishing or Sex?

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place.

The first guy says:

"You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

The second g...

Just the other day I was reading The Art of the Deal

Good book, but the book abruptly ended at Chapter 11

What’s the deal with this new thing called Fortnite?

Saw it a couple of weeks ago

A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.

He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"

"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the nigh...

What was the deal the coffee-addict lawyer offered potential clients?

Grounds for divorce

Just finished the art of the deal by Donald trump. Great book. You can find the secret to his tremendous success in....

Chapter 11

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."

As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly o...

What’s the deal with prisons and starting with the letter A...

I mean Alcatraz, Azkaban, Australia and Auschwitz.

I’ve never been in a plane before so I never knew what the deal with airline food was.

Does that mean the joke went over my head?

A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus.

Upon arriving at the pearly gates, Jesus said, "Come on in. I'll show you around. I really think you'll like it here."

Walking through the gates, the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.

Surprised at how H...

The genie of the lamp

Two neighbours, one is rich and the other is poor.

The poor have a magic lamp : Every morning,he wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" ,and the poor asks for a cup of tea.

The rich neighbour,envious of the magic lamp,said to the poor : i'll give you my car ...

I've got the deal already worked out - this Black Friday, I'm getting a new Lexus for my wife

I think she's going to be really surprised - but from my perspective, it's an awesome trade.

What's the deal with Drake, first he was an actor now a rapper?

Must have been all degrassi was smoking.

I'll let myself out.

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