The Country Club Jokes

His buddies are amazed. "There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old geezer like you. How did you pull it off?"

"It's simple," John says, "I lied to her about my age."

"Did you tell her you were 50?" his friends ask. John shakes his head no.

"Th... read more

"I'll bet anyone here, any amount, my gorilla can beat you in golf" he says.
"I'll take that bet" said the club pro. "Nine holes, $1000 a hole".
"You're on!" says Gorilla guy.
First hole is a 400 yard par four. The guy tee's up the ball. The gorilla walks up and puts it right on the g... read more

Several friends are relaxing at the country club after a couple rounds of golf. They hear a cell phone ring in the locker room. One of them excuses himself and goes to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Honey, it's me."

"Oh hey, baby!"

"Are you at the club?"

"Yes, why?"

"... read more

The man picks up the phone and says "Hi honey, how are you doing"
The woman says "Hello sweetie, I found some new shoes that cost $90, can I buy them?"
The man replies "Sure hon"
The woman then says "Also the new purse I wanted is here and cost $980, can I buy them?"
The man repl... read more

He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.

On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... it was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition in the ICU.

... read more

Bill takes his practice swings and checks the wind then takes his swings again. After about 10 minutes of taking practice swings and checking the wind Tom starts getting aggravated and yells.

“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BILL TAKE YOUR DAMN SWING ALREADY!”.

Bill turns to look at Tom and says.... read more

First guy says, "Hey, you want to go play some golf?"

Second guy says, "No, not today."

"Why not?"

"Because I never drink and drive."

They get stuck behind a group of golfers who seemed to be moving slower than usual.
One of the country club members explains to them that this is a group of blind men who lost their eyesight as firefighters. The country club allows them to use the course once a year free of charge.
The priest... read more

“Before you get settled in” he said, “We have a little problem…you see, we’ve never had a HR manager make it this far before and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”

“Oh, I see,” said the woman, “can’t you just let me in?”

“Well, I’d like to,” said St Peter, “But I have higher o... read more

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blond woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that ... read more

Bill, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25-year-old blonde on his arm. She's hanging on his every word. His buddies at the club are aghast.

They corner him and ask, "Bill how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bill replies... read more

On Bryan's 35th birthday, his wife gave him a set of new golf clubs. He was excited to try them out, so he drove down to the country club to play. He noticed a man there, in his 60s, who also didn't have anyone to play with and asked him if he would like to join him. The older man agreed and told hi... read more

Mr. Munger is lying poolside at the country club when the club manager approached him. "Mr. Munger, some of the other members have been complaining about you peeing in the pool," said the manager. "Oh c'mon," said Munger. "Why are you you singling me out? I'll bet everyone here pees in the pool!" Th... read more

They both arrive at the pearly gates together and meet Saint Peter, who says "Let me show you around" He pointed to a mansion and said "That will be your house, located next to the country club." The old man asks, "and how much will that cost?" St Peter replies, "oh there's no charges, it's free,... read more

the country club proshop. "Help!" she shrieks, "I've been stung by a bee and I'm allergic!" unperturbed the pro says, "Calm down, ma'am, asking "Now just where were you stung?" "Between the first and second holes, " she replies. "Well, I'm no doctor, " he grins, "but offhand I'd say your sta... read more