UPJOKE

The Battery Jokes

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector.

The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

Robin: The batmobile won't start. Batman: Check the battery

Robin: What's a tery

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True Story: This genuinely happened last night. I work as a Doorman/Bouncer. I own a pair of electrically heated socks. A customer came out for a cigarette as I was plugging the battery packs in and switching them on...

Lady: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I'm just turning my socks on."
Lady: "Ooooo, that's *very* considerate of you!"
Me: "What d'you mean?"
Lady: "Well, most guys I know wouldn't bother with that... they'd just cum in them!"

I went to the store and said to the worker, "I need a battery so I can tell the time." He asked, "Is it for a clock?" I answered...

"I don't know! That's why I need the battery!"

What did the potato chip say to the battery?

If you are Eveready I am Frito Lay

Why did the battery die?

Terminal illness.

What did the Battery say on his Blind Date?

I have a lot of energy and I am a pretty positive guy. But I do have a negative side.

[nsfw] What did the amorous potato chip say to the battery?

If you're ever ready, I'm free ta lay.
(Everyready/Frito-Lay).

I have lived with this joke shrapnel for years and I thought I would share.

An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?"

The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."

Fitbit has recalled its Ionic smart watch, after finding out the battery can dangerously overheat

They admitted, this isn't what you're after when you're told to feel the burn.

A scientist built a robot but unbeknownst to him, the battery was damaged.

The only way to fix the battery was to sprinkle it with sodium chloride. Some chemical reaction with the combination of battery acid and sodium chloride caused the robot to act highly irrationally and attack the scientist, at which point the robot had to be detained by police.

The robot was c...

Did you hear about the battery salesman?

He charged too much but got positive reviews.

Did you hear about the firework and the battery who got in a fight the other night?

Apparently one was charged but the other one was let off..

I had to change the battery in my clock.

It was about time.

Did you hear about the battery who deserted his unit in battle?

He was dishonorably discharged.

I'll show myself out now.

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the battery out of the smoke detector.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear that the energizer bunny died of a sexual malfunction?

Someone put the battery in backwards and it just kept cumming and cumming.

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an IT admin are in a car that won't start.

Electrical Engineer: "It has to be the battery. Let's check that."

Mechanical Engineer: "No, I think it's the engine. Let's check that instead."

IT Admin: "How about this? Let's all get out of the car and get back in."

Batman and Robin are in the Batcave

Batman and Robin are in the Batcave. Batman is putting the Batmonile through its monthly tune-up, and it won't start. So Batman goes and asks Robin for help.

"Is the tank empty?" Robin asks.

"I just filled it," Batman replies.

"Is the oil full?" Robin asks.

"Freshly repla...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.