The Associate Jokes - 18 Hilarious The Associate Jokes

skipping church

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally
beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he
told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass
for him that day.

As soon as the Associate ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having a bad day at work…

An associate goes to the bar in the top floor of his high rise office building and orders a drink. The place is empty except for the bartender and a lone man at the other end of bar. While staring into his drink, he can’t help but notice the other guy pound 4 shots.
“Must’ve had a worse day than...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Indian walks into a grocery store...

He's approached by a store associate who asks him "can I have a moment of your time?" The man agrees and the associate explains to him that they are asking customers to try out a new brand of toilet paper and to come up with names to call it based on their experience. So he convinces the man to try ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[nsfw] Totally legit, but you can use a joke if you want to.

**Scene:** I was living in an apartment complex where all the bedroom windows faced into a small courtyard of sorts, walled on three sides with 3 stories of bedroom windows. None of the apartments in this complex have air-conditioning. It's close to midnight, December in Sydney AUS, it's a hot humid...

Captan Kirk & Today’s Shuttle Launch

If William Shatner really wanted to go “where no man had gone before”, He should have just used the associates bathroom At the Amazon distribution center.

Genie grants three wishes...

A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one." "Me first!" says the paralega...

An elderly man goes to his bank to get a loan.

The associate, a long time friend of his, greets him with a hearty handshake and asks him what the loan is for.

The man replies, "Well, I'm getting a mail-order bride, and I'd like to upgrade my ranch for her arrival."

"Well, how old will your bride be?"

"She'll be 23 when she ...

A blonde goes to a electronics store...

and walks up to the sales associate and says, "I would like to buy the TV in the corner."

The associate says, "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes."

Furious, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair black. The next day, she returns to the store. She sees the same associate and says, "I w...

Darkened Room

A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of the law firm. After months of the social isolation that comes from eighty hour work weeks, the associate was happy to reciprocate. However, when asked by a friend to identify the lover, the associate was puzzled. "All I know for sure ...

Furniture shopping

Me and a girl I knew went furniture shopping. We were looking for something to accent my bedroom. When we got to that section of the store, we noticed all the pieces were labeled with a number, up to 10. We asked the associate what the numbers represented and he told us that they were labeled so tha...

A man sends his wife to Home Depot

A man busy with his project sends his wife to Home Depot. When she gets there she finds the closest associate and tells him
"I need some...oh yes, 4 by 2's" and the associate kind of chuckles. He says that usually people call them 2 by 4's but that's OK. He walks with her to the limber section...

Russian Condoms

One day the president of the largest condom company in Russia is called down by his sales associate. He tells the president that they have just gotten a huge order from America for double extra large 16" condoms. The associate tells the prez that it must be a prank, so the president mulls it over fo...

A woman goes into sporting goods store

to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A store associate is standing there wearing dark shades.

The woman says, "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" <...

A Mafia Leader Is Robbed By One of His Foreign Non-English Speaking Associate

The leader figures out who stole the money and hires a translator in order to properly communicate.

Leader: So you're the one who had the guts to steal my money?

Translator (proceeds): He said he didn't do it.

Leader: Tell him to cut the bulls*** and tell me how much he stole....

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a New York publishing house last Thursday.

According to the Associated Press,
witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied,
confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered,
mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted,
astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled,
overwhelme...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

church bulletin bloopers

*These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:*
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for ...

How Canada Was Named

So the dignitaries of the associated Provinces of what we now call "Canada" got together over a game of Scrabble to determine the name of the country. They decided they would pick the name based on the first three letters they grabbed. First one: "C, eh?" Second one, "n, eh?" Third one, "d, eh?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life of a salesman

So a department store famous for carrying everything is looking to hire a new sales associate. They have narrowed it down to two candidates. They decide to do a trial run and give them each a week to see who earns the highest commission to see who gets the job.

The first guy comes in every d...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.