UPJOKE

That's Not My Dog Jokes

A man walks into a bar and sees another man at the bar with a dog next to him.

He says to him, "Hey there, does your dog bite?" and the man says "No mate, my dog's the friendliest creature in the world, you can do anything with him."

So he goes to pat the dog and it absolutely goes for him and by the time three other men in the bar manage to get it off him he's bleeding...

An old man was walking in the park, when he saw Jamie with a dog.

Does you dog bite?

No, of course not.

When the old man tried to pet the dog, it nearly bit his hand off.

I thought you said your dog doesn't bite, said the old man, blood dripping from his hand.

That's right - said Jamie. My dog doesn't bite, but that's not my dog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Story Challenge: My name is Inspector Clouseau...

...and I'm working on a case, because I haven't got a table.

I looked out of the window and saw a very tall man. I knew he was tall - I was on the 6th floor.

There was a tap at the door. "Funny place to put a tap", I thought.

I opened it, and there was a beautiful woman standing...

Does your Dog bite?

A man walks in and sits at the Bar.
he looks around the room and notices a bloke sitting at the other end of the Bar with a massive dog sitting on the seat next to him.
He walks over and says "Jees, that's gotta be the biggest Dog I've ever seen" the bloke nods in agreement.
He then asks "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Flight to Israel...

A woman wants to take her dog to Israel, so she goes to the travel agent to find out how. He says, "It's easy. You go to the airline, they give you a kennel, you put your dog in it, when you get off at Tel Aviv go to the luggage rack, and there's your dog.”

So she does, gets off at Tel Aviv,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A door to door salesman walks up to an old man sitting on his porch

The old man has a mean looking dog sitting by his feet. The salesman stops short of the porch, and says "does your dog bite?"

"Nope" says the old man

Reassured, the salesman steps up onto the porch. The dog lunges at him and latches onto his arm, shaking his head back and forth. ...

Does your dog bite?

Man walking in a park, sees a woman sitting on a bench with a dog at her feet. He walks up to her...
Man: *Does your dog bite?*
Woman: *No*
Man goes and pets the dog, then...
*OUCH!!! I thought you said your dog didn't bite!!!*
Woman: *That's not my dog.*

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