UPJOKE

Terrible Pun Jokes

A terrible pun

What is a mathematicians favourite food?

Pie

Terrible pun...

An elderly German couple that own a butcher shop are minding the store one day, selling all sorts of meats and sausages when in walks a man with a bird under his arm.
The shopkeeper asks the man if he can help him and the man says "Yes, I would like to trade this bird for a few of your famous s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are men always telling their women terrible puns?

So we can stare at their tits while they're rolling their eyes.

NSFW My SO asked me why I always make terrible puns and dad jokes

I told her, "it's just gentle ribbing, you know, for your pleasure"

People often ask why I’m so good at Dad jokes and it’s simple.

I take an ordinarily terrible pun and take it even father.

Smaller babies are always delivered by stork...

but the heavier ones need to be delivered by **crane**.

Why is r/Jokes like a fencing match?

... because you usually win with a riposte!


(This terrible pun is wholly original, so far as I know. Thus it will die in infamy without upvotes)

"An Ode to Reddit," a poem by me.

We’ve all seen the joke that’s been goin' 'round Reddit,

The one with lame puns about “spreddit” and “shreddit.”

People assume that we’ll somehow forgeddit,

and then they repost it and act like they seddit.

We—the people—assume that they’ll eddit it,

find the origi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend who was sick of my jokes says

"How about you stop sitting on your ass all day coming up with terrible puns, and start writing a book or something!"

Me: "Now that.... is a novel idea!!!!"

Europeans use too many gyros for the slaughter of animals. Let's alert PITA.

That was a terrible pun. I falafel.

Do you want to hear me count from one to one hundred?

One... Two... One Hundred!

My four year old just made this up as I was putting him to bed. I know it's a terrible pun... takes after his old man, I suppose!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother and I were setting up a tent...

Well, he's a bit clumsy, always been. He slipped and fell back on the pile of metal poles. Got himself right in the arse. I had to take him to the hospital and everything.

It wasn't too bad, all in all, but he did have to get a tentanus shot.

I apologize for this terrible pun, but it w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chicken walks into a bar..

..and orders five flagons of mead. After the fourth alcoholic beverage, the bartender asks him..

  

"Hey buddy why the long fac..oh wait not a horse lol."

  

The chicken gulps down his fifth drink and laments.

  

"You see, that ott...

A bunch of Hollywood celebrities formed two baseball teams...

...to raise money for a charity.

The day of the match arrived and everyone was ready. The celebrities were dressed in their outfits, some practising their throws and catches, others practising their swing. Russell Crowe was selected to umpire.

The match started, and the two teams, "The...

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