UPJOKE

Tells Me Jokes

The Doctor tells me I can play with myself whenever I like

My wife tells me that's not what 'You could have a stroke at any moment ' means

A police man came up to me with a sniffer dog and said, "This dog tells me you're on drugs.....''

I said "I'm on drugs? you're the one talking to dogs."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my wife why she never tells me when she has an orgasm...

She said "I don't like ringing you whilst you're at work."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sewing instructor tells me that I am the worst student she has ever seen.

Shit....wrong thread.

My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water"

I know he means well...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Been chatting with this 14 year old girl. Real sexy and flirty. Things are going great, but now she tells me she's an undercover cop.

How fucking cool is that for someone her age.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my wife why she never tells me when she orgasms. [NSFW]

She told me she doesn’t want to bother me while I’m at work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy tells me he had sex with his GF and her twin the other night.

I asked him how he told them apart.
He says, "well her brother has a mustache"

A friend in Germany tells me everyone’s panic buying sausages and cheese.

It’s the Wurst Käse scenario.

Just got an app that tells me which one of my relatives are racist

It's called Facebook

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