UPJOKE

Telling Jokes Jokes

[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.


I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with...

LGBTQIA people are terrible at telling jokes because

They can't say them with a straight face

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I used to be good at telling jokes

But now I always seem to punch up the fuckline.

I may be bad at telling jokes, but...

I am amazing at clickbait.

I was telling jokes at a bar filled with LGBTQ+ people

I was doing such a good job nobody could keep a straight face.

Telling jokes about pizza is hard.

It's all in the delivery.

My girlfriend told me she would break up with me if I kept telling jokes about the USSR

Soviet

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My grandma used to tell us this joke. She’d say, “knock knock,” we’d say, “who’s there?”

Then she’d say “I can’t remember!” and start to cry. And we’d laugh and laugh to make her feel better, but she was shit at telling jokes.

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I'm bad at two things: telling jokes, and not getting angry while waiting in queue at orgies...

But I keep punching up the fuck line.

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Telling jokes is a lot like having sex

You can do it with one or more persons.

Others prefer to do it with an audience.

Some people like them dirty.

Others like them black.

Some people may choke.

And others may get offend.

But most of all... Not everyone gets it.

I don't like telling jokes about Muslims.

A lot of them have a very short fuse.

I saw a bird telling jokes by the pond

It was a silly goose

My Uncle Jackie turned 80 years young today. He loves telling jokes. Here is one he tells every Thanksgiving, and it gets a huge laugh every time. Enjoy, and Happy birthday Uncle Jackie!

A 75 year old man, his hair is completely white, marries a 22 year old girl and she gets pregnant. Nine months later he is siting in the maternity ward, talking to the nurse.

"Hey! Well how'd I do?"

The nurse says "she had twins!"

"Hehehe! Just goes to show, even if there is ...

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I suck telling jokes..

Because I start laughing even before I reach the punchline. The doctor says I have a premature hehejaculation.

Best joke my dad ever told me (he wasn't good at telling jokes)

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: To put out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To put out burning ducks.

The problem with telling jokes about the post office

It’s always he next day when people get it

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Three Russians are telling jokes about Stalin.

Three Russians are telling jokes about Stalin. After lots of laughs, suddenly one of them pulls out a KGB card and says: « you two are coming with me! »

The second pulls out a KGB card and says: « Not me! »

The third one pulls one also and says: « comrades, there are too many of us ...

Prisoners are telling jokes

and because they heard all jokes a lot of times, they only say number of certain joke.
"Number 256" says first inmate as the rest of them laughs.
"Number 145" says second one as the rest bursts in laughs.
"Number 323" ,and while all laughs and and get ready to hear the next,one one guy ...

Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes?

Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.

A comedian was telling jokes about Putin. The material was not very good but

the execution was great.

I used to love telling jokes about penguins and ostriches

But it turns out they don't really fly around here

Why is Chubby Checker so bad at telling jokes?

Because when there's a twist it doesn't surprise anybody.

So everyone is getting mad at me after telling jokes about marine wildlife

I think it's a turtle over reaction. It just being shellfish and it's giving me a bad haddock. I mean, I don't do them on porpoise...

I'd like to tell you a joke my grandma told me about telling jokes

But I never meta

A group of people got bored of telling jokes the old way

A group of people got bored of telling jokes the old way. They decided to switch things up by giving all the jokes a number each and just saying the joke's number instead of telling the whole joke, making things more efficient and different.

One day they sit together and tell some jokes.
<...

Someone told me i’m not very good at telling jokes.

And then i said, thats not a camel, thats my wife!

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