UPJOKE

Take A Shower Jokes

Why didn't Natalie Wood take a shower before swimming?

She figured she could just wash up on shore.

Why do some covid patients need to take a shower?

Because they are starting to smell again

Why did the tiny soccer player take a shower?

He was a little Messi.

Can you take a shower, if you have diarrhoea?

Yes, if you have enough

I tried to take a shower at my aunt's house

She had big lights installed in the top of her shower and it was full of plants. I had to take all the plants out to use it. When she saw me taking the plants out she said "what are you doing?! that's a *grower*, not a *shower*!!"

Johnny's dad wanted Johnny to take a shower

Johnny's dad told Johnny to take a shower. "I'm scared, can I take a shower with you?" Johnny said. "No, son, that would be weird," his father replied. "Pleeeasee?" he cried. "Okay, okay, but just don't look down.."

Johnny, being the curious boy he was, looked down. "Dad, what's that?" he ask...

Why should you never take a shower with a pokemon?

Because it may Pikachu.

Why didn't the comedian take a shower?

He wanted to tell dirty jokes.

A man was in a bathroom getting ready to take a shower, and his wife heard a loud noise from outside.

A man was in a bathroom getting ready to take a shower, and his wife heard a loud noise from outside. Concerned something had happened she asked, "What was that noise?"
The man replied, " It was just my underwear falling".
Unsure the wife asked again, "That noise was a bit loud for it to be ju...

If you take a shower with your clothes on, it shows you're crazy.

If you take a shower with your clothes off, it shows your nuts.

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People have asked if I pee when I take a shower

And the answer to that question is "yes, yes I have", to which I usually get a look of disgust from them. But I can't help it, I simply can't hold my bladder when I'm taking a shit.

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I Asked My Wife For The Rake

I was doing yard work after the storm this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower. I realized that I couldn’t find the rake. I yelled up to my wife, “Where’s the rake?”

She couldn’t hear me and she shouted back, “What?”

I pointed to my eye, then I pointed to my knee and made a ...

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Sister Cathy is about to take a shower when she hears a knock on the door

She's goes to the top of the stairs and pokes her head around the corner so she can call "Who is it?"

"It's the blind man from the church!"

Laughing at her pointless hiding she hurries down the stairs to open the door for the poor soul on the other side.

"Nice tits, where do yo...

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Soap for sister

Two men on a pilgrimage spend the night at a Nunnery. They take a shower across the hall. When they want to start they notice they forgot the soap and one of them quickly darts back to their room to get two little travel soaps. Just as he wants to cross the hallway two nuns walk by, thinking on his ...

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There were three young priests...

about to take their final vows. The last test they had to pass was a celibacy test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their penis. A belly dancer entered the room, and started slinking around the first priest. 'Ting-a-ling!'

The chief priest said 'Oh Patrick,...

Soon after the General retired..., he decided he must do something different...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...!

*He soon found himself on an island with no flagstaff, no batmen, no ADC, no club, no canteen, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.*

After about four months,...

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Bob felt tired all the time, so he decided to go to a doctor to check what causes it.

"Okay Bob, could you describe to me how a normal day looks for you?" asked the doctor.

"Well, the first thing I do when I wake up is fuck my wife.

Then I take a shower, get dressed, have breakfast, and fuck my wife. Then I brush my teeth and fuck my wife before going to work.

...

A young Italian couple got married but the man had to go to war before they could consummate their marriage.

He returned a year later battle wounded missing part of his foot and burns on his back. The young lady was living with her mother. When he walks in the door he gives her a big hug and goes up stairs to take a shower.

The mom told the daughter “go upstairs and take care of your wifely duties”...

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A guy goes to prison.

As the guard is taking him to his cell, all the inmates are cat whistling at him, winking, and shouting “see you in the shower princess”. The guy is terrified and swears to himself that he’ll never go for a shower. As the weeks go by he’s starting to smell real bad but he still refuses to take a sho...

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Sex frog

[Long]

A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).

The girl excitedly l...

You’ll hear me yodel’n

Papa heads in to take a shower and yells to his wife, “Ima head’n in to take a shower.
You’ll hear me yodel’n.
If I stop yodel’n, come in and fetch me out as I’ve either fallen or fallen asleep”
“But Papa, mama cries,
“how’ll we know if you’re just in there fiddle’n yaself?”
Papa re...

The faithfull Husband

The Husband comes home with new vacuum cleaner, the kind his wife really wanted. His wife gets suspicious and asks him where he got it from?

He answers:” Remember that shop we went last week, where we saw this vacuum and this sweet lady helped us out and showed us everything about it but we ...

A bald man...

a bald man decides to take a shower, he enters the bathroom, slips due to water on the ground, falls on his head, slips again.

I’ve been clean for 237 days

Today I feel too lazy to take a shower.

is this funny?

****THE TOILET SEAT****

My wife, Judy, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet.

Finally, I got around to doing it while Judy was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.

She came home and undressed to t...

There was a building with 4 apartments

In the first apartment was a boxer named Sean. In the second apartment was a soccer player named Andres. In the third was a blind man named Ian, and in the 4th apartment was a beautiful woman named Elizabeth. One day, Elizabeth decided to take a shower. She got in the shower then heard the doorbell ...

I got abducted by aliens...

I was told to do my all chores, eat my veggies, take a shower and brush my teeth.

It was then I realized I was in the mother ship.

...That $800

A woman was taking a shower, in the upstairs bathroom, she gets finished and puts on a towel over her.

Her husband takes a shower right after her. When the husband walks in to take a shower the doorbell rings.

So the woman goes to answer the door ... It is there next door neighbor (S...

Little Johnny's b day

It was little Johnny's 8th b day. His mom was about to take a shower when little Johnny asked her if he can shower with her.

Little Johnny's mom said no.
Johnny said that it was her b day and she finally said yes.

In the shower little Johnny looked up a little and asked his mom wh...

A man goes to the doctor for stomach and throat problems.

A man goes to the doctor and complains, "Doc I don't know why but every morning before I leave for work I dry heave and almost vomit!"

The doctor says, "Well describe your morning routine to me, if you would."

The man says, "Well my alarm goes off, I get up and have a glass of juice an...

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Big ol fat man at the YMCA...

There's a big ol fat man at the YMCA taking a shower...

You gotta take a shower before you get in to pool at the YMCA...

Big ol fat man is taking a shower and a little skinny dude walks in and says wooooo-weeeeee, how long has it been since you saw your dick?

Fat man says, loooo...

A woman moves in with her balding programmer boyfriend

A woman moves in with her balding programmer boyfriend and immediately gets concerned about his nighttime routine. Every night he takes a 2 hour shower and goes to bed complaining that his arms hurt. She also noticed that he has an entire closet full of shampoo. After a few weeks she can't take it a...

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Little Bobby woke up early on Thanksgiving Morning

As he was putting on his clothes for the day, he heard a loud, "FUCK!" coming from the Kitchen.

Little Bobby rushed downstairs, to see his mother nursing a cut on her finger.

"Mom, what does 'Fuck' mean?" asked little Bobby.

"It's a way of preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving."...

I have such low self esteem

When I take a shower I realize how people missed opportunities to cleverly insult me

A journalisy doing an article about life in prison

He asks inmates about their daily routine

Prisoner1: i wake up eat,exercice, do laundry and take a shower

Prisoner2: i wake up read a book eat and after that i do laundry

Prisoner3: i wake up take a shower, eat and take a walk.

The journalist then asks him, dont you do la...

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