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Sweet Love Jokes

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Joke #3481 A man receives the bad news that he's going to die in the morning

Through an unfortunate miracle of medical science, a man receives the worst news possible from his doctor.

"I'm sorry, but tomorrow morning at precisely 7:23, you're going to have a brain clot that will kill you."

The man is stunned. "But I don't even feel sick!"

The doctor exp...

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A man walks into work with a smile

Every morning, he walks in and passes the security guard with a great big grin on his face. One day, bleary eyed, the security guard asks him why he's so chipper every morning.

"Well, it's simple. Every morning when my alarm goes off, I rub my wife on the shoulder and say 'Blondie, Blondie, e...

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An American woman is standing on a bridge preparing to commit suicide when a local sailor approaches her.

The woman tells the sailor that her boyfriend had left her and she had nothing left in this world to live for, so she was going to jump.


The sailor insisted that she must not do that, and said that tomorrow, he will be going on a ship to Europe, and invited her to come with him to start a...

Junior soprano classic

So a gentleman comes home from work and buy a some flowers for her wife. Upon arriving he presents those flowers to her wife and says -" For you my sweet love".

Wife replies - "You now expect me to open my legs, don't you?

Husband - "Why, don't you have a vase?

A 68 year old man walks into a confessional one morning. The priest asked what the man wants to tell him.

The man says, "Well I went to see my buddies last night to play rummy, the game broke up about ten. On the way home, I felt like a drink, so I stopped by the bar. This pretty young lady about maybe 25 started talking to me, and the chemistry was there. Before I knew it, we were at her place. We made...

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A guy was walking to a bar, when he saw a girl tied to some railroad tracks

He went and untied her, following which one thing led to another and they had a lot of sex.

When he finally got to the bar, his friends asked why he was so late. He then told them about the girl he found and how they made sweet love in multiple positions on the side of the tracks. Naturally, ...

A genie appears in front of a middle-aged wife at home.

"I can grant you one wish," the genie says.

"Well," the woman said thoughtfully, "My husband hasn't been fun in bed for a while... I want you to turn my old cat into a manly friend!" She points at an old, fat cat resting lazily on the couch.

"Granted," the genie says as he disappears,...

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A 60 year old man goes into a confessional.

The priest says, "What do you want to tell me, my son?" "The man says, "I stopped at a bar for one short drink last night, and met a 20 year-old woman. We hit it off great, and ended up going to her place. We made sweet love for 5 hours, and I had 4 orgasms without going soft-on even once. The only ...

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A masochist, a sadist, a necrophile and a pyromaniac are walking down the street.

They see a cat.

Sadist: "God, I just wanna tear this cat to shreads, and have his blood all over the place."

Pyromaniac: "Yea, and after that we can set his pieces on fire!"

Necrophile: "And after that maybe we can take the ashes and make sweet sweet love to them?"


Ma...

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Two homeless guys...

are walking down the tracks. One is in a great mood.

HM2: looks to HM1 and says why are you in such a great mood?

HM1: Because yesterday I fell in love?

HM2; really?

HM1: Yes, I was walking down the tracks and I saw a woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and we made...

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Two Hobos are walking along a train track.

The one hobo goes to the other hobo, "Did I ever tell you about the best day of my life? I was walking down these very same tracks and out of the corner of my eye I saw a 50 dollar bill stuck between a track. I bought myself a case of Thunder Ripple and me and Sneaky Pete and One Eyed Dan partied ...

Scary biker-looking guy takes his girlfriend to the gynecologist

Being a jealous sort, he refused to sit in the waiting room when she was called to the back, but the young male doctor insisted he wait outside the exam room.

After the biker-looking guy exits, the doc starts his examination. Soon it becomes obvious that the beautiful young woman is getting...

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There was once an old postman...

...whose name was Stan. Stan had had a robust career delivering mail in a small town for over 45 years, and decided to retire. On his final day of work, the families on his route all decided to give him presents to show their appreciation. At the first house, the McKinsleys gave him a very nice set ...

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a classic

A hawk was feeling incredibly horny one day but could not find a suitable female for procreation, in his search he came across a fairly attractive dove and figured "why not". He swooped down and fornicated with said dove. As he flew away the dove shook the loose down from her derriere and said "I'm ...

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Free beer

A man walking past a bar notices a sign in the window that says, "Free beer - Inquire inside".

Intrigued, the man walks inside, right up to the counter and asks about the sign.


The bartender explains:
"Well - there's three tests you have to pass before you can collect on thi...

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Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent is driving down the interstate late at night when nature begins to call. He sees a sign for a rest stop. He says to himself, "Oh man, I know what goes on at these places at night, but I gotta go!"

So he pulls in to the rest stop, looks in the bathroom and finds it empty. Relieved...

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A guy moves to a new town and is looking for nearby place to get a drink.

He walks into the first bar he sees and orders a beer. The bartender serves him but says that if he wants to come back he has to become a member. The guy takes a drink and looks around the place then asks, "well what do I gotta do to be a member?" The bartender reply's, "Well, did you see that 7 foo...

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