UPJOKE

Surprise Me Jokes

My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas...

Fortunately they missed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kinky guys visits a prostitute and says surprise me

She removes her left eye and tell him go fuck her in the eye socket. He does and it's the best he ever had.

As he's leaving he tells her that he will certainly see her again.

She responds. OK, I'll keep an eye out for you.

I was tired and bored one night, so I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, “What’ll you have?” I said, “Surprise me.”

He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walked into a bar with a monkey

A guy walked into a bar with a monkey.

The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them.

Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.
He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.

To everyone’s amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swall...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife wanted to surprise me with a morning blowjob

That's the day I found out about her strap-on

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