UPJOKE

Stuck Up Jokes

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A man was rushed to hospital with 6 toy horses stuck up his ass...

The doctors describe his condition as stable.

Landlords are so stuck up

They act like they own the place.

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What did one tampon say to the other tampon?

Nothing. They're both stuck up c*nts.

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One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.

His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.

The man goes on to say, “a lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in the butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.”

“That explains one bl...

Did you hear about the guy who went to the ER with 15 little toy ponies stuck up in his rear end?

Doctors say his condition is stable.

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I went to the doctors because I had a lettuce stuck up me arse.

All he did was apply a dressing

What do you call cheese stuck up your nose?

A CheeseBooger

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2 tampons are walking past each other, which one says "hi", first.

Neither, they're both stuck up cunts.

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Guy goes to the doctors with a lettuce stuck up his ass.

Doctor examining said wow, guy says what is it doc?

Doctor says this is only the tip of the Iceberg.

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What did one tampon say to the other?

Nothing. They're both stuck up bitches.

Stuck up people are the worst

They always whine and cry when you are taking their money.

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A man says to his wife 'apparently the milkman has had sex with every woman but one on our street'

'I bet it's that stuck up cow at No.36' replies the wife

What do you call a stuck up criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending

I can’t stand stuck up bodies of water

It’s like get over yourself, Lake Superior

What do you call a woman with a toothpick stuck up her ass?

Olive

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A man goes to the doctor, “Doctor, I have a golf ball stuck up my butt”

The doctor asks, “how did that get up there?”
The man replies, “ I don’t know but it’s up a fairway”

Did you hear about the mathematician who got his calculator stuck up his bum?

He had to work it out with a pencil...

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What do you call a French guy with a loaf of bread stuck up his butt?

A pain in the ass.

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A guy was admitted to the emergency ward with half a dozen toy horses stuck up his ass.

His condition was listed as "stable".

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Ice-cream man was found dead this morning with a flake stuck up his arse and sprinkles and chocolate all over his body:

Police think he topped himself.

What's the difference between a rabbit on a treadmill and a rabbit with a carrot stuck up its nose?

One is a fit bunny and the other is a bit funny

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What did the two tampons say to each other?

Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts.

I literally traded a homeless guy a cigarette for that joke. Worth it.

The engine on the airplane sputters to a stop

The captain comes over the intercom.
"Attention passengers we've had a minor problem with one of our engines but we have three more and will only be a little late arriving at our destination".
A short while later another engine grinds to a halt with a small train of smoke coming from it. Again...

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An Irishman goes to the doctor's surgery ...

and he says to the doctor "Top o' the morning Doc, I've got a little problem. It's a pain like, in me arse."

So the doctor says "Well we'd better have a look at it. Take your trousers and pants down."

After the patient assumes the position the doctor gets a rubber glove, some lubrican...

One day a man drove by a farm and saw a two-legged goat

The man went up to the farmer and said, "Excuse me, but why does that goat only have two legs?"

"Well," said the farmer, "that goat is very special. One time my wife was cooking something she stepped out of the kitchen and it caught on fire. No one in the house knew about it but the goat, an...

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