UPJOKE

Stripped Down Jokes

Cold

A man woke up early and kissed his wife good morning and goodbye. He made a thermos of coffee and a thermos of hot soup as his car warmed up in the driveway. He packed his fishing gear and proceeded to drive out to the lake for some ice fishing.

As he drove down the road he realized ...

Bad boy and good girl (long)

So a guy decides he wants to date this girl. He finds out that she's quite prudish but he's willing to look past that because she's really, really pretty. After constantly asking her, she finally agrees to go out with him. One date leads to another and soon they have a steady thing going. He wants ...

Ole and Sven go to Hell

Ole and Sven, ignoring the -60 degree windchill warnings, froze to death while ice fishing in northern Minnesota and descend to Hell.

Coming to check on his new arrivals from up North, Satan is surprised to find Ole and Sven enjoying themselves, finally removing coats and hats that they've ...

When John Lennon was a boy,

his best friend was a chubby lad named Winston - but because of Winston’s penchant for stuffing his face with Stilton, Red Leicester, Cheddar or Brie, naturally he was nicknamed “Cheese”.
One hot summer day, a gang of friends decided to head off to the local quarry to cool off in the water. The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was this lady in a retirement home. In her day she was very attractive and had men falling all over her. One day she felt particularly randy, and decided to get a man...

She stripped down naked, did her make up and hair and walked around the retirement home.

She saw 2 old guys sitting on a bench, and walked by repeating Super Sex, Super Sex, Super Sex.

After she left the one old guy said to the other, "I'd rather have the Soup"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW]George and Sarah had been married for 5 years

George and Sarah had been married for 5 years. It was a failing marriage. George couldn’t do anything in bed to impress Sarah and never got her to orgasm. He tried everything. As a last ditch attempt, he went to a psychic named Roxanne.

George asked Roxanne how to surprise Sarah in bed and g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 explorers are lost in the amazon...

...and are found by tribe known to be unfriendly to outsiders. The 3 explorers are bound and brought before the chief. The great chief, with the whole village watching, declares the explorers each have a choice... Death! or Bulla Bulla! The first explorer looks at the other two and says, "well, n...

New cowboy boots

Fred bought himself a new pair of cowboy boots that he had always wanted. He left them on after trying them on at the store. Upon arriving home, he walked in and said to Bertha "notice anything different".

"nope"

Frustrated, Fred left the room and stripped down, leaving on nothing but...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A patient goes to the doctors office with a peculiar problem

“Doctor, I can’t ssshhheem to sssshhhhpeak normally. It’sssshhh been a sssshhhhtruggle all my life. Pleassshhh tell me whatsshhh wrong!”

“Alright, I think I have an idea, but I’ll have to do a physical exam” said the doctor

The patient stripped down and got on the exam table and the d...

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