UPJOKE

Stepped On Jokes

TIFU: While our for a walk in Paris, I stepped on a snail.

Now I’m being haunted by an escarghost.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stepped on casual sex and need urgent medical advice!

Sorry for any errors, i don't speak English so this is all through Google Translate. I stepped on a casual sex and I can't get it out of my foot, which is bleeding profusely. I'm nowhere near a hospital or clinic. I f do have a first aid kit What do I do?!

Whatever you do, don't step on a duck.

Three guys got into a car crash and all died. They all get up to heaven and meet St. Peter at the gates. St. Peter said "Okay everyone can come in, but whatever you do don't step on a duck." The gates open and there are ducks everywhere, all over the floor, on tabletops, everywhere.
The first gu...

Chuck Norris once stepped on a crack, it apologized and fixed his mom's back.

There was a posts I found last night where people shared Chuck Norris jokes and I wanted to share a (hopefully) original one.

What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant, dead ant dead Aaaaaaaaaant

I stepped on a cereal once

Now iam a cereal killer

I stepped on a rusty Lego the other day...

I'm worried I might have contracted Tetris.

What did the cell say to his sister when she stepped on his foot?

Mitosis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lost my wristwatch at a party once. A guy stepped on it while sexually harassing a girl.

I punched him straight in the chin, knocking him out. Nobody does that to a girl, not on my watch.

If you find a bomb that blows up when stepped on, please let me know.

It's mine.

I stepped on a frog today.

It Croaked!

Three women die and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says: “We only have one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!”

So they enter heaven, and there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and s...

Don't step on the chickens

Three men die and come to the pearly gates. They swing open and they hear the voice of god booming: "Be welcome to heaven, but don't step on the chickens!" and as far as the eye can see there are chickens EVERYWHERE.

One guy is like, "forget this!" and instantly steps on a chicken. They hear ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked into our bedroom and stepped on my wife’s bra

It was a boobie trap

What do you call a monkey that stepped on a minefield?

A Ba-boom

A man stepped on a pufferfish and said his last words

Wow, this blew up!

What did the person with perfect pitch say when their friend stepped on a bee?

That's a b flat

Miss Obama stepped on a snail. What did the snail say?

MESHELL!

My brother just ran into the kitchen and stepped on all our Cheerios!

He’s a cereal killer

Stepped on an African guy's foot today

He shrugged and said "hey man, what Uganda do about it?".

He laughed, I laughed, good times, good times.

I stepped on the scale today and I only weighted 150 lbs.

Not sure why the dial spun a full 360 before it stopped on 150 though.

If a 100 ton Brachiosaurus stepped on you...

Youd be deeply impressed

I stepped on a bottle of medicine and fell down the stairs...

... that’s the last time I trip on robotussin.

I stepped on a nail the other day

I was going to avoid it but I didn't see the point

I was surprised to learn that stepping on a crack really breaks your mama's back and stepping on a line really breaks your father spine

Unfortunately for me, my sister just stepped on a rock

What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot?

Mitosis!

Sorry if it’s been posted before but my little cousin just told me this and I died laughing

Two women go to heaven and meet St Peter

He told the two women you can do anything you want here in heaven but please do not step on a duck because they make a terrible noise and racket.

The two women agreed and entered heaven. One day, one of the women accidently stepped on a duck and sure enough it made such a terrible noise and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to wake up my parents and accidentally stepped on my moms bra.

It was a boobie trap

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the cell say when another cell stepped on his feet?

"Ouch! Mitosis!"

I'm so sorry you read this corny ass joke.

3 men went to heaven.

God told them, "You can do anything that you want, but there is one rule: don't step on ducks."

The men thought this would be easy, but when they got to heaven, there were ducks absolutely everywhere.

The first man stepped on a duck, and for his punishment, they chained him to the ugli...

You ever hear about the guy who stepped on the à?

He had one foot in the grave.

Three sisters die in a car crash.

Three sister die in a car crash. All three sisters make it up to heaven where they are greeted by God himself. God opens the pearly gates to reveal ducks everywhere

God says “Welcome to heaven, there is only one rule here. The only thing you can not do is step on any of the ducks so you must...

Whatever you do, don't step on a duck.

Three men approached the gates of heaven where they were immediately greeted by Saint Peter. "Hello good sirs, and welcome to the Kingdom of God. In heaven we have but one rule: DO NOT step on a duck."
"I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?" questioned one of the men.
"Over the years, many misconcep...

I was walking in the park today and I stepped on something brown and sticky. What was it?

A stick

Three men go to heaven

At the gate into heaven St. Peter tells them, they can have everything they want as long as they do not step on a dark cloud. After that, they enter and have an amazing time.

But after a week the first comes up to the others with his leg in a bear trap. The others ask him:
"What happend?"<...

My pig stepped on a land mind under a tree…

Now I have a porky pine.

How did the firefly react when he was stepped on?

He was delighted.

Don't step on a duck

St. Peter is assisting applicants to heaven three at a time. He's leading the latest trio around, showing them the best clouds, where to get the best harps, best wing cleaning service etc.

One guy has a complaint, though. "What's with all these ducks? They're everywhere and getting underfoo...

Did you know that dogs keep track of how many times you've stepped on their tail?

It's your Yelp score

Step on a crack, break your momma's back!

So then I went on a walk with my family. I stepped on a crack, looked at my mom, and said "Why didn't your back break, mom?"

"You're adopted."

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