UPJOKE

Stay Safe Jokes

Stay safe, Stay home.

-Yoda

Stay safe lads

What are an electrician's last words?

"Hey, what is that cable used f..."

Did you hear the Cookie Monster got Covid?

The CDC confirmed it was the om-nom-nom-nom-icron variant.




Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Edit 2: Thank you everyone for the awards. Just trying to brighten everyone's day with a little joke. I hope this joke spreads far and wide....like Covid. Stay safe everybody...

Stay safe out there on New Years Eve

Who am I kidding, I'm talking to Redditors.

To stay safe in bear country, always carry a small pocket knife and hike with a friend.

If a bear attacks, stab your friend in the leg and run.

Under Kennedy, America went to the moon...

Under Trump, America can't even get to Canada.



Much love from Toronto, stay safe!

What does LGBTQ stand for in 2020

Lets get back to quarantine, obviously




Stay safe everyone

Interviewer : Which batch?

Candidate : Corona batch.
Interviewer : Ok, stay home, stay safe.

You order one home delivered pizza because of the pandemic!

And you love it.

Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.

Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.

That's the domino effect.

Stay safe!

My dad told me this joke in Serbian years ago. Hope it translates well.

A man is terminally ill and has 3 months left to live. Seeing as he was a holy man for all his life, God gave him a visit and granted him 3 wishes. The man ponders for a few minutes then asks for his first wish.

“God, I’d love to have a nice steak dinner and some brandy to wash it down with.”...

I got arrested for asking around for advice on money laundering

I don’t get it.

During this COVID-19 pandemic, I thought the least I could do to stay safe was to disinfect my money.

Good morning everyone, today's weather is

None of you businesses, stay home, stay safe.

A German, an Italian, and a Spaniard enter a bar...

and were told to go home because they are closed.
Stay home, stay safe people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a haunted pair of breasts?

Booooooooobies!

Happy Halloween! Stay safe everyone!

A made up a joke about covid-19 that will work only in the future...

... It'll be fun when nobody gets it.

(Stay safe y'all)

Paranoia has reached absurd stages...

I sneezed in front of my laptop and the anti-virus started a scan on its own

What comes after u?

Me.

Ps. It’s nnn stay safe boys

why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn't wearing her seat-belt.
Stay safe tonight everyone!

How are meteorologists like guys on Tinder?

They promise you 12+ in, but you only get 4.

Inspired by today's "storm" in New England. Stay safe out there!

Quarantine seasonal travel

Oman, I really can't wait to Rome around.

Venice this going to get over?

You can't say when this lockdown will be over, Kenya?

Quarantine has made my Delhi routine too boring.

I've been Washingtons of utensils.

This Spain is real.

Stay home, stay safe. What'...

A redhead, brunette and blonde woman are walking aimlessly through an endless desert

The redhead said to the others, "I'm glad we all were smart and brought one item that will help us stay safe if we get lost in the desert. I brought a big canteen of water as mine. If I get thirsty, I'll have that to drink."

The brunette then chimes in and says, "great idea! For my one item, ...

The world is a dangerous place. Just the other day, I was walking down the street

and I punched a guy in the face for absolutely no reason. Stay safe out there, folks.

Big John

A man moves from New York City to the heart of Texas and applies for a job as a bartender.

The owner of the bar says to the man, "You know it's pretty rough around here, I'm not sure you could handle it, There's a stabbing about every night."

The man says he can handle himself, he's ...

Father Rabbit teaches his Rabbit Son life lessons.

So Father Rabbit takes four female rabbits and lines them up in front of his son.

"Son", says Father Rabbit, "we are small and vulnerable animals, and everyone in the woods wants to eat us. That's why we have to do everything really fast to stay safe. Including reproduction. I brought these f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple had a fight

The girl said "That's it, we're done!".


She took her stuff and rushed towards the door.

The boy screamed "Babe!".

She shouted "What?! It's fucking over!".


He then replied "Stay safe"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Throwback Joke: Liver and Cheese

Some backstory, there was a tornado at boy scout camp one summer and we were assembled in the valley in an attempt to stay safe and the counselor told us that he would laugh at any joke we told. So I told this one:
"Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, ...

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