UPJOKE

Stay At Home Jokes

People are taking "Stay at home" quite seriously

My dad who went out to buy cigarettes 20 years ago, just came back home.

The more I stay at home...

...the more I look like a homeless person.

As soon as the stay at home order is lifted...

I’m going to turn in all my bottle returns and buy a yacht

My pregnant stay at home wife asked why I work so much...

I told her “Well, somebody’s gotta fetus”.

The hardest part honestly of me being a single stay at home mom

is probably the fact that I'm a 28 year old man with no children

You know those people protesting the stay at home order are really doing a great job

Proving that natural selection does exist

I don't understand why everyone judges me for being a stay at home parent...

I mean yeah my kid doesn't actually exist, but I still feel like I do a good job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Only in England.

£800 fine if you are caught at a house party during lock-down.

But reduced to £400 if paid early.

If you catch covid at the party, the government will

give you £500 to stay at home.

That's £100 profit.

This country is absolutely fucked.

Teacher: What do you do after school?

1st Student: I go and buy weed from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy cocaine from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a...

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered...

Getting together for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed read...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has a £50 note tattooed on his willy

His wife says to him "Why have you done that!?" He replies "For one, I like to see my money grow; two, I like to play with my money; thrid, I like to have money in my hand and finally the next time you want to blow fifty quid you can stay at home and do it.

The old saying goes "when in Rome.."

Stay at home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Iv never really understood the point of lapdancing...

I mean, if I wanted someone to sexually frustrate me and take all my money then I'd just stay at home with the wife!

After the isolation

I have a feeling that after the stay at home orders are over there are going to be a lots of inside jokes.

Black Friday Special Offer!

Stay at home and save 100%!

Was with my girlfriend yesterday..

We discussed if we should go bowling or just stay at home and chill.
Told her that I didn't want my fingers where everyone else's fingers had been.

So we went bowling.

Contagious

Schools have returned after covid19 and to help her students understand what has happened over the last few months the teacher decides to do a lesson on it.

"Children, she says, can any of you give me a sentence with the word contagious in it?"

Mary the smartest kid in the class stands...

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

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