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Star War Jokes

Haven't seen the new Star Wars yet...

But everybody posting spoilers about how Princess Leia dies

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I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in.

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[Nsfw] My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom...

...The only catch was I had to be Obi Wan, because she always had a thing for Ewan McGregor.

"Of course!" I said, and got to work putting together the sexiest Obi Wan costume I could. I even managed to find Glow in the Dark condoms so I could impress her with my "lightsaber".

The nigh...

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars puns...

Then you’re looking in Alderaan places

Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie?

It's a perfect 5/7.

My friend asked me if the new Star Wars was in 3D...

... and I said, yes, but they R2D2.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my girlfriend to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy roleplaying fun.

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through (spoilers)

Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said "Can I have a word?"

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

My son Luke loves that I named my children after Star Wars characters.

My daughter, Chewbacca, not so much.

Star wars joke

Han solo: Yoda are we going the right way?
Yoda: Off course we are

What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

HDMI

Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes

Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work

Friend: do you know that one guy who just cant have a conversation without quoting star wars?

Me: well of course I know him, he is me

How did Mace die in Star Wars?

Through the Windu

Peter Mayhew will be reprising his role as Chewbacca in the next Star Wars movie!

They said they wanted to cast the role to a veteran rather than a wookiee.

3 dirty Star Wars jokes

1) Why was Han Solo suspicious when he finally got inside Princess Leia?

Because it was Luke warm

2) Why was Han Solo suspicious when he was eating Princess Leia?

Because she felt chewy

3) Did Han do the right thing when he confronted Leia about these?

No, that nig...

What did Yoda say when he saw Star Wars in 4k?

>!HD … MI!<

Happy Star Wars Day/Cinco de Mayo

Chewie today, Chuy tomorrow

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What would you call Mike Tyson if he was a villain in Star Wars?

A Tit Lord

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What's masturbation called in the star wars universe?

Hand Solo

Black Friday sale on Star Wars Battlefront 2

Save up to $2160 by not buying it

Star Wars Trivia: What is the internal Temperature of a TaunTaun?

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Luke-Warm

Chuck Norris plays a very important role in star wars

he's the force.

Did you hear that Disney+ is making a crossover between Star Wars and Back to the Future where the time machine is half car and half person?

It’s called the Man-DeLorean.

I dont enjoy Andor, but it has nothing to do with Star Wars...

...I'm just not a fan of conjunctions

My local KFC will be celebrating Star Wars day on May 4th with an Anakin special.

It’s an extra crispy chicken with no legs and only one wing.

(from my 9 year old) What is the scariest planet in Star Wars?

Na-BOO!

A man walked into a Star Wars museum

...carrying an old rusted bucket by his side and demanded to know who was in charge.

"What can I help you with today, sir?" asked the confused curator.

"This here is an authentic piece of European history and once belonged to the King of England 1000 years ago."

"But," stutte...

[Star Wars spoiler] What did Han....

Tell Leia after they separated?

-----


*May Divorce be with you.*

What Star Wars charactor likes orange juice the most?

Emperor Pulpatine

I used to confuse Star Wars with Star Trek.

It was a Wookie mistake.

A Star Wars Christmas

How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

What do you call a Star Wars themed bubble tea party?

A Boba Fête

I want to find a girlfriend who's into Star Wars

I've been looking for love in Alderaan places.

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as inspiration when naming my kids.

However, his sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

You know Darth Maul from Star Wars?

He's only half the man he used to be.

My wife loves Star Wars...

so last night we watched all the Mandalorian, back to back!

Luckily, I was the one facing the TV...

I saw a Star wars action figure in a Corolla today

It was a toy Yoda in a Toyota

Why don't Star Wars characters go to church?

They're scared of the *pews*

So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character

You should've seen the Luke on her face.

French Star Wars fans have something to look forward to every week....

Each Thursday is the Return of the Jeudi.

What's the difference between Star Wars fans and Star Wars haters?

the fans enjoyed 2 of the movies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sex life is just like star wars:

Its either Han Solo,

or i have to use the force.

Bad VR star wars joke

So there's a guy playing at VR game his friend walks into the room and sees him swinging his hands around like he's swinging a lightsaber and he assumes he's playing beat saber and judging from the height of his swings there are a lot of low blocks his friend taps hin on the shoulder and says hey ca...

Who played Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels?

Emperor Palpatine

Did you know Mr. T is a big Star Wars fan?

So much so that he named his kid Boba.

I want to open a Star Wars themed cafe that caters to people who are obsessed with bubble tea.

I am going to call it Boba Fetish.

What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around?

R2 Detour.

Did you hear about the Spanish Star Wars spin-off?

It’s about the chosen Juan.

*INCOMING STAR WARS JOKE* So my uncle got a job circumcising Bantha’s…

He said the pay was OK but the tips were huge.

Why is vodka so hard to obtain in the Star Wars universe?

Because only Siths deal in Absolut.

Who's the fruitiest character in Star Wars?

The Mangolorian.

(Made up for an eight year old)

Best explanation of Star Wars

The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.

What kind of car does a Star Wars memorabilia collector drive?

a Toy-Yoda

What Star Wars character would be best at limbo?

Han So Low

If you celebrate Star Wars Day too hard tonight...

watch out for the revenge of the fifth.

Here's an old one. Who curses the most in Star Wars?

R2-D2, everything he says is bleeped out.

Party games are so different in the Star Wars galaxy...

For example on Earth you bob for apples, but on Tatooine you Bib Fortuna.

Jonathon Ross forgot to record the new Star Wars film...

What a wookie mistake

My wife screamed at me, "You're obsessed with those Star Wars movies. I'm leaving you."

"May divorce be with you!!" I replied.

why aren't star wars jokes popular?

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they are usually quite *forced*

(just like this one)

Latest results from the Star Wars Cup.

OB - 1, R2D - 2

My son's Star Wars joke.

What do you give to a stinky Jedi?

De-Yoda-rant

1 My kid’s made up Star Wars joke: What does Darth Vader exhale?

Carbon Darkside

In Star Wars, what language is used to program droids?

JawaScript

Please enjoy my best ever Star Wars themed joke...

Irving was proud of his daughter Faith. She was the prettiest, smartest, most charming girl in all the Empire. And when Faith was asked to attend the Winter Gala by Conan Antonio, Irving was justifiably pleased, for Conan was a well-decorated and many-times-promoted military man of great respect....

Hey, did you hear about the Star Wars fanatic who's been stealing autograph books and photo albums from other fans at conventions?

They call him the fan-tome menace.

Did you hear they finally revealed Yoda's surname on that new Star Wars show??

I can't believe it's Layheehoo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Star Wars fans don't smoke cigarettes after sex...

They chew 'bacca

Fozzy Bear was in Star Wars

He was an Ewokka-wokka

Star Wars Joke...

If Finn hooks up with Rey...

He would be the first stormtrooper to hit something

"All right, for our new Disney+ miniseries, we need to make it a thoughtful, highly entertaining original series AND it needs to connect to an existing Star Wars property."

"... Would you settle for And/or?"

After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?"

Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.

He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"

Why does Star Wars have a classical music score?

Because the Empire likes Bach!

Cringey star wars joke

Just thought of a cringey star wars joke while being unable to sleep

Q- What was Hans Solo's response to Princess Leia when she asked where he had been all her life?

A- In Alderaan places

What did the Star Wars fan with a lisp say?

May the Fourth be with you.

My girlfriend left me because I’m a big Star Wars fan

Looks like tonight I’ll be Han Solo.

The way Star Wars should've ended. SPOILER

Old Lady- "What's your name?

"Rey"

"What's your surname?"


.....Long dramatic pause......


"Binks."

Fade to Black

Star Wars X-Wing pilot

"my navigation and targeting drone keeps making bad puns about the old west.. I guess I shouldn't have gone with an RD-R2"

What’s a Star Wars fan’s favourite drink

Qui Gon Gin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage

She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns.



I look at therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"



Star Wars Trailer: No one is ever really gone...

"Meesa lead tha First Order to victory now, okietay?"

I’ve been watching the Star Wars movies, and I realized something

It’s not that big of a shock that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father.


I mean, they have the same no’s.

What are Star Wars clone troopers muscles built of?

Kamino acids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sex life is like Star Wars Battlefront 2

I'm paying for a lot of shit.

In Star Wars Episode I, we learn (spoilers)

That Anakin Skywalker has no father, the midichlorians caused his birth.



I guess his mom was forced into it.

[math][star wars]{no spoilers}

What do you call the derivative of the First-order in Star Wars?


The second-order.

Apparently there’s a battle for the rights to Star Wars aftershave.

It’s “The Cologne Wars.”

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