Standing Up Jokes - 12 Hilarious Standing Up Jokes

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Nobody believes me, but I only have sex standing up.

I’m not fucking lying.

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?", inquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

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Why don't Baptists have sex standing up?

Someone might think they are dancing.

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Three stages of sex in marriage.

Stage one: Whole house sex. You and your partner have sex in every room of the house. Standing up, bending over, on any surface available.

Stage two: Bedroom Sex. You and your partner only have sex in the bedroom... after you shower... with the lights off.

Stage three: Hall sex. ...

The difference between standing up and falling down...

The difference between standing up and falling down is actually staggering

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Why don't baptist have sex standing up?

It looks too much like dancing.

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A father decides it's time to teach his young son how to pee standing up...

So he brings his son into the bathroom.

"Son, it's a 7 step process. Step 1: you unzip your pants. Step 2: you pull your penis out. Step 3: you pull back your foreskin. Step 4: you go pee. Step 5: you push your foreskin back over your penis. Step 6: you put your penis back in your pants. And ...

Why do men pee standing up?

Because they can't stand sitting down!

What do men do standing up and women do sitting down and dogs do by lifting one leg?

Shake hands, of course!

Why are people always hotter when they're standing up?

Sitting down they're only 90 degrees, standing up they're 180.

The bus crash that landed me in hospital was caused by a guy standing up to offer a lady his seat.

He'll never work as a bus driver again.

Standing up for a short person

I saw a bunch of people bullying a short person. It was unnaceptable! They were saying things like "hey, how's the weather like down there?" I had to defend him, so I said,"woah there, that's a low blow."

I don't understand why he got so mad...

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